If, like a fairytale movie, it were possible to change, in a split second the things we didn't like about ourselves, that would be the most beautiful thing. It would be an open cheque, more like an opportunity to rewrite the pages of one's life and begin on a clean slate.
Despite the fact that a lot of us see ourselves as a masterpiece, deep down, there are things we do, and characters we manifest that we truly wished we could undo. Sometimes, even people with the strongest will power struggle to do away with habits that tie them down from becoming a better version of themselves. If effecting a change in behaviour were a walk in the park, then several people would never have to battle with traits that leave people's mouths agape when they eventually hear of it.
Change feels like a herculean task for humans. Those weaknesses or character traits we all hope to change had started off in one day, then became a habit that can't be broken, even when we realise it's a demon consuming us. We are eventually left with no option but to keep wishing we could stop, but the reality of doing away with it feels far-fetched.
For me, it's always been the fear of not reaching perfection, and believing that if it isn't perfect, it shouldn't be done. This is one thing I wish to change. As much as this may sound like a good thing, trust me, it isn't. There are a thousand reasons it's not a character worth keeping.
For one, this perfectionist tendency has made me slack in several areas. Things I should try my hands on, I shy away from, because I feel I'll end up not doing it well. In my teenage years, I learnt how to bake. Each day I went online, I saw breathtaking cake designs.Over here as a beginner, I was struggling, and my designs were not so good. I felt I should be able to do it as well as the ones I saw online,even when I was still a novice. Too bad, I wasn't perfect at fondant designs and this made me give up on baking. I told my mom I couldn't continue, simply because I felt my own designs were mediocre and not as good as the ones I saw. I gave up, and that was the end of it for baking.
As if that wasn't enough, I tried my hands on writing, some years after my study in the university. In my mind, I felt I was somewhat good in this regard and started writing. I needed some positive validation from a friend who was better off in writing. To my greatest surprise, he told me my writing wasn't good enough. That statement broke me and my pen alongside. I stopped writing and never wanted to give it a try. How could my work not be perfect? Since it wasn't perfect I told myself there was no need to do it.
I have a lot of ideas in my head, but my perfectionist nature has hindered me from trying them out because I'm always afraid I won't be able to get to the height of perfection. I've never believed in baby steps. Once I begin it, if it doesn't go perfect,I feel I have failed.
I'm sure there's a lot more I would have achieved in life, but the fear of not reaching perfection deters me from trying out new things. I admire greatness everyday,but get a little too afraid to try.
If I could drop these perfectionist tendencies and embrace the fact that baby steps are okay, and perfection would eventually come, I'm sure I would record a thousand feats in my life.
