The nights after her David died, she wanted to join him, but didn't find the courage to. She would stare continuously at the ceiling as if to count every bit of the triangular shaped design that layered it. With each stare, the fluorescent light revealed her eye bags which became more feasible each passing day. Those eye bags were never there before now. David would always take her to the spa to have her facials and ensure her morning beauty regimen was never missed.
His departure was the end of such vanity sessions, for there was no one to inspire those sessions. She sat there, still, doing nothing but release bits of tears intermittently, which soaked her favourite silk nightwear which she had not got out of for weeks.
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She had been under a self imposed house arrest since his funeral. Every attempt by her family to get her to visit or go somewhere to unwind proved abortive. At some point, she had put off her phone, and couldn't be reached.
The next morning, a sticker she had put up the morning David passed fell from her notepad. “No matter what life throws at you, there's always a reason to smile”. The words on the sticky note didn't make sense today. That morning, it did make sense, but today, smiling when her world had definitely crashed was meaningless.
The vibration from her phone interrupted her thoughts. “ Hey Vicky, I'm so sorry I haven't been able to call since the funeral. I lost my phone” Sarah, her old time buddy, said. “ How are you doing?” She continued.
All through, Victoria was quiet. She wanted to speak, but the words wouldn't flow. Her first attempt to say something triggered another round of tears.
“I'm losing my mind” she responded, amidst tears.
“You'll be fine, just try and step out to clear your head” Sarah advised.
She had not gone anywhere in weeks. The thought of being seen looking like some forgotten child made her dread stepping out, but she had to take Sarah's advice and go somewhere.
Chicken Republic had just opened beside her. They were to visit the spot the weekend before her late husband took ill. Walking down towards the glass house reminded her of every moment they went on date nights together holding each other's hands and enjoying the stare of passers-by. It hit her, moving down all alone. Her feet gradually became heavy as she approached the entrance of the restaurant, but she has to shake off this feeling.
“What would you like, ma” the male waiter asked as she tried to settle in.
“ Give me a little time, and I'll be certain what I want” she responded. Her eyes kept searching the entire place as if she were expecting someone. Maybe just out of nowhere David, her dead husband would show up and they would go home and her sorrows would reach its end. She looked desperately, but he wasn't anywhere around.
The smell of freshly baked pie from the restaurant’s kitchen made her remember she had not eaten in days. The churning in her stomach drove her to beckon on the waiter to take her order. The tray of moist eye-catching spaghetti decorated the plate, along with a cookie right in it. She took out her plate and was anxious to dig in. “ Your fortune cookie, ma” the waiter interrupted.
She didn't believe in fortune cookies. It was merely a make - believe for her. With the least concern, she took it out and sighted a note in it. “ You can always find your happiness again”. Happiness indeed! She thought. Happiness had died the day her husband died, so this was far-fetched for her. She had barely finished her meal when she felt a sharp pain in her stomach and quickly left the restaurant.
The entire night, she was in pain, she had visited the restroom, and had lost count. The walls of her stomach would cringe and make her give loud uncontrollable screams.
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As the approaching steps got closer, her heart pounded even faster. He walked into the office with a soft smile, and handed the envelope to Victoria. His stare confused her. “ Is everything okay, Sir?” She asked out of curiosity. “Of course!” he said excitedly.
Her walk home was quiet. Even her thoughts learnt silence for the first time in a long while. She couldn't stay quiet for too long. She began to journey in her thoughts. She wanted to tell David, her late husband, how excited she was, but was afraid he wouldn't understand how much. She needed to let him see she wasn't barren as they had whispered, but still afraid he wouldn't hear her.
The restaurant had become her favourite place to be, so she had gone there to relish in her happiness. She knew she would have to raise this one alone, but the joy of becoming a mother made that less important. She was going to have someone call her “mother”, and that was all that mattered.
That night, as she put baby David to sleep, she tried to find her journal to pour out her heart for the day. A note dropped.It was from the cookie at the restaurant. She smiled. She had found her happiness again, when she least expected it. After trying to conceive for ten years, she wouldn't believe a baby would come. Her eyes locked with David's and she smiled herself to sleep that night.
