Dearest Past Self,
How are you? I want to know how have you been. Everything seems really different now. I bet when you look at the mirror right now, you will no longer recognize yourself. You seem far from being you because of the decisions you've made in the past. But still thank you for taking the risk to embrace the unknowns there is in life during those days. As a matter of fact, it contributed a lot to who you are now.
But wait, you are still you on the inside. Relax. You are only a little bit bolder on the outside. And braver. Maybe a little bit wiser.
I wanted to apologize, for not taking good care of myself right now, far from what we even planned. You told me to love my self first but I always end up loving and thinking of other's before me. I still don't know how to take good care of this young self.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry for not keeping few of the good people that you had before. Those who you thought will never leave on times when no one can understand you, did not even stayed long enough. You end up disappointing those who believed in you. And you realized people will also disappoint you.
You've grown maturely now, to the point that you can now be on your own. You have learned it's okay to say no, it's okay to stop being available, it's okay to leave people, places, and relationships. It's okay not to be okay. Happiness is an emotion that comes and goes. It is not permanent.
You told me to take good care of this little muscle beating inside my chest, but I failed to do so. I've been in too many aches and pains at this present which made me think to just disappear out in thin air. And even blending in to the world I choose to live now is quite depressing. The longer I stayed, the more I realized I shouldn't.
As of this moment, balance seems so out of reach. But you'll be glad because even if how tiring the situations were, I choose to continue and keep on going. You always say I'm strong. That positive feeling, that glimmer of hope is still here in the midst of sadness and confusions.
I know you always trust people easily, but things have changed this time. You are beginning to trust more on yourself and Who you believed in. Alone has become your friend. Sometimes loneliness hang out with you. But you still have those beautiful people who always remind you that you were never facing those giants alone.
To be honest, I failed on keeping this life on track. You are feeling lost at this moment actually because there are so many things going on in your life right now that you never seem to understand. But we both know that we can get through with this.
My dear past self, I am happy because you've step out of the borders and smashed those walls. I am beginning to see more on realities of life, on people, on situations that keep us alive. Thank you for trusting me to become better.
Don't worry, I will continue to love and love and still love beyond pain, as long as I can. You are still God's beloved. I won't let you down. I can do this.
I owe you a lot.
Much love and respect,
Present You