A chilly evening , gentle wind and breezy air.. you can hear the drops of rain on the roof sheets creating an harmonious symphony, melodious to the hearing . There I was coiled up under the warmth of my bed sheet, drowning in the softness of my bed, creating a dip in the middle , sensation exhilarating.. Reminiscing over my past actions, questioning the very core of my thought line . Wondering if it spawns my response pattern as regards people as well as situations . Asking myself if I'm just being Good , simple , easygoing, philanthropic or just a cowardly PEOPLE PLEASER.
Going down the memory lane,I could see how it all began.How my thought line was created due to circumstances and situations most especially by people so as to be able to survive the perils of teenage age .
My teenage age has been one hell of a rollercoaster, a teenager seeking to be accepted, regarded and respected. The quest for validation due to a heightened sense of insecurity made me indulge myself in my books, wanting to know so as to be seen as intelligent. which begs the question.. for an intelligent kid, WHY THE INSECURITY?
It all started when my teeth began losing it's alignment, protruding forward while being spread out making it look bigger than it actually is. I got a 360 degree change from the sweet remarks I got as a baby. It was tormenting to always been laughed at, mocked About and made jest of, at times even by elders in their idea of fun. Sitting on my chair in class during breaks as I watch kids laugh and play together while being scared to join them for fear of being made the topic of discussion for amusement.
Getting older, as an Adolescent.. I always told myself that everyone do have their own center of attraction. In other words, their areas of admiration. Having succumbed to my fate , I sort to increase my intellectual prowess as it became my own personal piece of solace,fostering admiration and attraction. It became my center of attraction most especially to the opposite gender. Never had a first encounter with a girl and being liked instantly, even though I've read About it in books or most likely seen it happen to others at ease or perhaps heard it from the tales of my Elder Brother . Mine usually comes with time spent together, initiating small talks and getting to know each other thereby fostering admiration.
I've always wanted to know what it feels like to be liked without having to talk, prove or give too much. But then,it has never been within my premise. Growing up with these intuition, I became a giver subconsciously sometimes even unhealthily. Couldn't distinguish between being good by doing good or just being gullible, easily influenced to do even at my own detriment mistaking it for being good .
I believe there are people at there lost in their own actions, trying to grasp at any straw they could to stay afloat. In a quest to know themselves more and strive to become better, without being controlled by the way people see's or identify's them.
As Socrate's once said...
We should be conscious enough to realize that the term PEOPLE PLEASER is just a title given by selfish people to others to make them seem idiotic. We can actually do better only by understanding ourselves more and knowing what drives us to do . With such acknowledgement, we would feel better at doing what we do .
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Image source..Ai generated
