Have you come across children who ask certain questions and you pause to really look who it was that talked.
Well, here's Tife, a four years old girl, who happens to be a pro in whatever she does one.
It was on a Sunday morning, church service had ended. Everyone was busy doing their usual little meetings in the corners of the church, some were just doing their usual gossip and my mum was doing her my child is the most beautiful and well behaved child in the whole congregation. She was busy comparing her daughter to others and doing her holy gossiping with some other people.
She carried Tife on her laps as if she's a trophy, she was smiling and talking, and Tife, she was looking the most gentlest girl.
Then mummy Sam said, “Ah, Sister Funke, this your daughter, Tife abi, she's too calm and gentle o, she's not like my Sam."
And that was the bait.
My mum just grinned and responded, "I raise her well, she knows when to talk and when not to, she's not like other children, and I thank my God for giving me such a good girl."
Maybe my mum shouldn't have said that.
Because Tife got down from mums lap, looked around and blinked, then bend down to adjust her shoes, and on her way up, she dropped a bomb.
“Mummy, who gave you my daddy?” She said it in her tiny but very loud voice.
Well, it happened that everywhere was unexpectedly silent as at that time, everyone turned her way to be sure if who actually talked.
Sister Ngozi (Sam's mum) took off her glasses, as if that glass was hindering her from seeing and understanding what was unfolding in front of her.
My mum couldn't even talk, and Tife who didn't even realize that she had started something repeated the question, this time, she expanded more on it.
“Mummy, who gave you my daddy seh, cause now you said it's God that gave me to you that's why am a good girl, but yesterday you said ‘God forbid I marry someone like your father.’ So, who gave my bad daddy to you?"
At this point, the whole church was already concentrating on them, left, right, center, middle everyone was just coughing, because they didn’t know whether to laugh or make a sound.
My dad was on the altar praying as at the time, he was about standing up, and his key fell to the ground, and all eyes turned to this "bad daddy." He didn't know whether to pick up the key, go back on his kneels, continue his prayer, walk away or anything. He just froze.
Come and see my mum as she was blinking like a car whose headlight is malfunctioning at night.
My mum chuckled and tried giving that fake smile Nigerian mother's often give when they are panicking
Then she said, “Ahh, you see this children enh, they will just say funny things atimes! Funny girl."
But guess what.....Tife wasn’t done.
She added, "it's grandma that gave you Daddy abi, cause you always fight grandma too."
Omo, everyone was already speechless at this point.
Sister Bunmi who was never the silent type, stood up and went out to the door to sit on the step as she said," I need to balance well, make plastic chair no go break.....Tife no normal o, her silence no be innocence at all.”
Long last, Tife smiled, and I knew within me that she isn't done yet.
Tife still had more to say. She turned to sister Bunmi who also happens to be the choir mistress and asked her, “ Is it true your voice and face is the only good thing, because I overheard mum say your legs are a different color that's why you are always wearing long skirts and gowns."
And that was game over.
People in the church started stepping out and those still sitted were avoiding eyes contact. No one wants to be the next topic.
My father tried to laugh as he stepped out to save face....."You know kids of nowadays ate just funny."
That night, Tife was given a gift, the gift of no dinner, no cartoons, no iPad games and early bedtime. She tried to talk and shout but she was silenced by mum, "it's your father's family that you went to disgrace in church, of you make a single sound there and don't get out........"
With a final note, my mum said “Go and sleep before I use slap to rearrange your destiny.”
Till today, the question “Who gave you my daddy?” still lives in our house. When we meet and everyone is home, we use it to catch cruise, And anytime my mum tries to form motivational speaker we ask her....."Who gave you my daddy seh."
Funniest part is, Tife is now older, and she doesn’t even remember anymore. But we remember and we often use it to tease her.
All pictures are mine.
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