One thing I had issues with for a very long time is speaking in front of people, if you have that fear of public speaking I'm sure you will be able to relate with me better. I would always do and try my best to avoid anything that would make me stand before a crowd to give a lecture, talk and all of that. Most times it is out of fear of what if I don't do well, what if I'm being laughed at, what if I began to stammer, what if I forget a point and guess what, when I finally get there, it all seems to start happening, sometimes my head even go blank, things I might have prepared a lot for would just disappear and you will see me struggling to recall the smallest detail.
But then, I found out that I'm very good with acting, I mean I can act most roles given to me and I would always deliver no matter the number of crowds in that gathering, that was how I began to shift. I can't keep shying away from public speaking, nah, a lot of times I would always need to, so gradually in began to face my fears and even though it is a little bit different, I began to see speaking publicly as acting too. I mean, each time I need to speak publicly, I immediately switch and see myself as a character and what I'm to say is the role I'm to play in it.... I hope you understand.
The first time I did that, it wasn't easy, it is still public speaking, it's so hard to switch me into that character, I guess it was still that fear, but I didn't anyways, I can't keep running away from it. So, I started to talk, at first with a very shaky voice, but I didn't stop, I continued, there are times I just take a pause to swallow my saliva and try to compose myself a bit more, then I continue again with that shaky voice of mine.
Over time, I continued, like I intentionally throw myself in front, anytime we're to do something in school, give a speech or my group needs to do something, I volunteer and since most people won't want to, I would go ahead to represent us. And that was how things began to change, not as if I'm that good now, no, my voice still shake at times but then, it is way better now, the more I face it, the mess afraid I became. And each time I finished or most times before I'm done, the applauses would have been going on and on and on, there's a relief that applause gives to me,. sometime I feel elated, at times I'm happy because the applauses came at the right time when I'm about to stutter.
I'm proud of myself though, because I didn't allow fear take the best part of me, I'm happy I faced it. I've even found myself in lots of situations when I need to speak, admonish people, teach, address, and all of that, and even though I still get nervous, I would still get up, tryna switch characters and make sure to do my best. But like I said earlier, I'm still not so good at it, but then, there's a huge difference now compare to them when I might not even say anything at all. So, it's not about the absence of fear, it's about the presence of it without allowing it decide for you, even though it's there, I do what I need to do.... Regardless.
馃尮
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