This prompt reminded me of a story my neighbor once told me about her childhood, and how she grew up with a very strict and hot tempered father. She told me how her dad always beat her over every little mistakes not even considering the fact that she's a female. He would call her names, he tagged her good for nothing, and the likes. As a child, she vowed she would to herself that she won't be that kind of a mother to her children l, she vowed to treat her own children better. But then, it's been a couple of years now, she's given birth too and she can't help but find herself dishing out slap to her daughter on even little things like spilling water on the bed and the likes. I saw her the day she did, and approached her to please be lenient with her daughter. She cried that day while telling me her story, and I believe she wrote that much because she is not finding herself becoming that same thing/personality she hated.
And that is the cruel circle of pain, when you find out that the pain, scars and wounds of yesterday are now becoming weapons. Now, should those people be held accountable for the harm they cause? Yes they should, they can explain that it's due to past pain and hurts, but that's not an excuse. We cannot always choose what was done to us, but we get to choose how we handle it and what we do with it. Accountability is a responsibility.
The truth is, most people are often unaware of it when they pass on trauma. There are times it shows in their actions, at times it shows up as fear, there are times it comes as harsh words, and other times it might even be silence. Also, I don't believe this people wake up with a plan to just hurt someone, no, they are just simply replaying what was done to them sometimes ago. We should acknowledge the wound and it's source, but we shouldn't turn a blind eye to the harm, damage and havoc it causes. The choice between hurting and healing is where accountability lies.
And talking of forgiveness, it does seems to be the most hardest part of the circle. Thinking about it now, tell me how do you forgive someone who makes your carry the same scar they carried. But understanding what forgiveness is first off would help, forgiving is not necessarily forgetting, it is refusing to allow the hurt done dictate the state of our hearts and actions. It is definitely not easy, and it's sure it won't been happen at once, it might take time. But then, it is very well possible. Because without it(forgiveness), the chains remain unbroken.
In conclusion, the truth remains that pain will always want a resting place, somewhere it can thrive, and if we don't confront it, those closest to us will be at it's receiving end. To break it, we must face it and choose a different thing. Well, my neighbor is still on the journey too, she tends to hold her words and hands more now while reminding herself that she's not her father. And that is how forgiveness starts either knowingly or unknowingly, when the one who was hurt decides not to hurt others. That's the choice that heals.
