The day started like every other day, the usual smell of akara(bean cake) was what woke me up, I love akara so much, I turned to check the time, it was almost six, I rushed up while knocking down my already spoilt standing fan, I took some steps forward and mistakenly stepped on my extension box, it made a cracking sound under my feet, I guess it's high time it goes already... it has suffered enough.
That morning I had a life changing interview, I was already set for it....intellectually. Every other thing was not so set though, I went out to brush up and wash in our God forsaken building we refer to as a bathroom, took my bath carefully and made my way to my room, well, it happened that while rushing in I happen to stumble on my neighbors daughter, at that moment she slipped and her food flask went rolling on the floor.
Her mum had her cry and came out to ask what happen, I was about to talk when the child started shouting that I was the one who frightened her, me..as how na, I was just coming in from the bathroom, well the lady wouldn't have it, she does not have any more food in the house and I must provide the sum of one thousand naira to get another down the street......on this my interview morning, maybe I should have just dress up to go without taking my bath, I only had two thousand naira on me, with some little changes, well...I went in and gave her a thousand naira.
I went in, applied cream the anyhow way on my body, I picked up my best shirt, it has become tight for me already, but it's my only shirt that still looks new, I hadn鈥檛 worn it since my cousin鈥檚 wedding two years ago. It was that shirt that remind one of his/her former body, I looked in the mirror, and it looked cool, I paired it with my only good black chino trouser, that particular trouser would never need ironing again, it has survived a lot, you know the kind of trouser you have worn, washed, ironed to the extent that it glows by itself, you don't know if it's still the black color or the too much ironing that still makes it glow.
I dressed up and stepped out looking like a bank manager, I couldn't eat anymore since I already paid for my neighbors food, I got out and bought two purewaters and a biscuit, I ate that while waiting for a keke napep to show up.
A keke showed up at some minutes to seven, it was there that it started happening again, on a normal, I have a portruding belly, but I guess due to the amount of water I gulped down, it portruded even more, making my shirt more tighter on me, I sat down and in just some seconds I had a popping sound, well I thought it was the usual potholes on our roads, I adjusted in the way I was sitting and then heard another popping sound....I froze.
My shirt buttons were already protesting against my forced physique. I tried tucking in my stomach while breathing slowly, but it seems that wasn't even helping, I almost arrived at the bustop next to the company I was going when the third button near my chest came off, the way it flew off to it the bus conductor on his already bald head made me curse in muffled tone while blaming Nigeria鈥檚 economy.
I just have to keep going to, I had just ten minute to the interview, so what can I do, I got down and held my bag very close to my chest, anyone would think I was having Nigeria's budget in there, I got to the venue and met a lady right by the door offering me a hand sanitizer...what, are you joking, well I declined how can I move my hands from holding the bag thats been helping me secure the only two buttons left on my shirt.
I wish you were there to say the way I was sweating, I couldn't even reach out to my handkerchief, the security next to her also insist I must take the saniter or even open my bag to check what's in for security purpose...must you people disgrace me, I begged him but he said no, well I told him to not be shocked if anything happens, he looked at me with a kind of eye, well I allow the bag slip down, he checked it and gave it back, I was glad he didn't ask me to bend to pick it up...else.
As I sat in the waiting room, there was a baby sitting on the next chair, this baby was just smiling and laughing with everyone, even the mother was surprised, she claim it was unlike her, why today, well she climbed up and sat next to me giggling, maybe I shouldn't have giggled back at her, she suddenly stretched on me and grab my shirt as a means of support, I pulled back a little and just like that, the buttons snapped revealing my faded undershirt which had the imprint...I Am Your Ex, So What.
Everybody turned to me and I had to save face as people were whispering, I stood up, gave them all a bow and wanted to talk but then the HR lady came to call me in as I was next.
I nodded, adjusted my broken shirt, and walked in with all of my dignity without a button.
Please don't wear your old clothes that doesn't fit into your present body, just cautioning you, also always make sure to carry about an office pin, you never know which part of your outfit is planning to disgrace you in public....Learn from me.
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Thanks, also all image were generated using AI.
