The train shook violently, as if it knew I had just committed a crime. Tearing through the night with such audacity of a storm that has no rival, and for a moment I thought it was trying to rattle the truth out of me. To shake up my fear.
I held my loot to my chest. A satchel tightened as if the littlest air would weaken the potency of the score inside - The Lourdes Diamond. With every step I took, I could feel its weight, like a stone dragging me underwater. I could hear the sirens louder now, wailing somewhere behind us, growing closer and closer with time.
The police were close. Too close.
But even with danger pounding at my heels, all I could think of was Mary. I had disappointed her even though what I did was for her. To give her a better chance at life with me.
By now I knew she would have seen my face all over the news. Her beloved husband was a wanted man for stealing one of the world's costliest stones.
I remembered that rainy evening months ago, the day everything began to slip out of my control. Her health had worsened with the years, and no matter how hard I tried to raise money for her surgery, it just wasn't enough.
I remember watching her sit on the windowsill of our small apartment, her feet dangling, her hair soaked with rain she allowed in through the open window. I had wondered why considering her health. The whole room was cold and smelled of wet earth and maybe hope. Or should I say lost hope?
“You’re staring at me like I’m some angel about to fly away,” she teased, smiling faintly and elbowing me lightly as I leaned into her in the rain.
I smiled like a lost puppy in love. “You make it hard not to stare,” I said, rubbing her hair. “Look at you. Rain-soaked and fearless. You shouldn't be doing this, considering...”
".... my health." She completed my words laughing. A soft, musical sound of John Lennon played softly making the whole room brighter. “You just said it. I am fearless. You worry a lot for two people. Sometimes three.”
“I worry because I love you,” I repeated, as I had always done.
She turned and nudged my shoulder. “Why am I scared you're trying to confess something? Are you cheating on me Mr Caleb?”
I laughed, “You're funny,” I said with a grin. “Proposal maybe.”
Her laughter filled the room, rich and warm. “Caleb, I love you too. And that is enough. More than enough. But I'll die soon, you don't have to do that to yourself."
There was silence. Awkward silence.
I knew she wasn't lying, since I wasn't able to raise money for her transplant. But every day my heart refused to believe it. To believe that she was gradually slipping away from my hands. I've watched her endure years of hardship by my side, quietly, gracefully, without complaint and it made me feel small. And now this, I just couldn't hold back again. It was certain that I was the partner she didn't deserve.
That feeling pushed me into this mess.
I had learnt about that diamond for years after I got to know about it in the museum where I walked. From that day it looked like salvation. Pure, holy, and the miracle of Mary's surgery,
Now, as the train screeched into another bend, almost getting to its last stop, I turned to a girl seated before me, who had a notebook and a pen. I borrowed them from her, and with shaky hands, I wrote.
“Mary,” I whispered under my breath as my pen scratched the page, "I'm not proud of myself writing this. But, in trying to give you the world, I may have ruined our lives.” I paused as tears stained the note.
Memories of our time together hit me again. This time of the night, we lay together on the couch after she had a crisis. Our legs were tangled and her head rested on my chest. I had rubbed it with so much love and pity. The TV was on but just as a background noise to put her to sleep.
“Caleb,” she said, tracing circles on my shirt, “you’re overthinking again.”
“No, no, I'm fine.”
“You are. Your heart beats fighting with your brain.”
I sighed. “You can hear that from there?"
She laughed. "I can hear it even in your silence."
I took a deep breath. "I just want more for you, Mary. This is not the life you deserve.”
She lifted her head, held my face playfully. “Promise me you won't do something stupid. Because if I find out, I will scold you like a mother scolding a stubborn child.”
I laughed then, pulling her closer. “I’d rather be scolded by you than adored by anyone else.”
She kissed my cheek. “Good. Then don't do anything stupid. Just stay with me till it's time.".
I swallowed hard. Those words hit me. Knowing that she had already accepted her fate.
That night, I mapped out my plans, which led to my present predicament.
Running from the police.
Running from my foolishness.
Running from the evil of the man I had become.
I scanned the train. Every move felt like it was the police closing in on me. Every shadow moving felt like my ticket to prison.
I bent over the notebook again and scribbled.
“I’m sorry,” I wrote. “For staining the innocence of our love. I thought I could buy you freedom. But instead, I have brought shame and danger to your door. If fate takes me away tonight, please remember I didn’t act out of greed. I acted out of love, even though it feels foolish now.”
I paused, my chest tightening as another wave of sirens echoed outside. We were approaching the last stop.
“Please, don't remember me as the man who failed, but the man who loved you more than life itself. Even while I am away, I'll always love you. Dear Mary, if you find redemption, please don't wait for me. Make sure to live your newfound freedom. Don't punish yourself for my stupidity.”
The train hissed to a stop. I got up, tucked the notebook into my bag, adjusted my cap, and with my head bent down, I walked to the door. Maybe I could still escape. Maybe I could find a way back to her and sell the diamond. Maybe I could still be her redemption.
But as I got to the door, almost at the arms of freedom I heard a loud voice scream.
"Freeze!" I turned to see that I had been surrounded by the police.
I threw my hands in the air.
"Get on your knees and hands in your head."
I obeyed without hesitation. My heart was pounding fast. There was no way to go or run.
The police closed in on me, and in seconds, I was in handcuffs.
“You have the right to remain silent.” They yelled. “Anything you say can be used against you in court. You have the right to a lawyer.
If you cannot afford one, the court will provide one for you.” They read me my rights.