Restore me

I looked at myself in the mirror one day, and I saw myself in many ways, and from different angles, where there was flesh left over and flesh missing..., and I asked myself what was missing, what did I want for myself? What would be best for me? And I immediately sat down and started writing.

I would like to lose weight, to look younger, to last for many years, to never get Covid and never have that virus infect my family, to go and live in Spain in a small village on the shores of the Mediterranean, but I went deeper, I wanted health, I wanted peace, I wanted tranquillity.

And I looked outside myself and began to evaluate everything I had, everything around me, everything I saw and breathed, and I discovered that many things are out of place, that many are full of dust, and others in worse condition, in need of repair.

This is precisely how our life is, full of ugly, broken, dirty things, disguised or underneath all the good, the physical, and that emotional part that we offer to others when we deprive ourselves of that natural way of being and we start to behave as others wish, and we become what each one of them needs, (I discovered that this is what I did, to please others).

Obviously going out and repairing ourselves is something we can't do on our own and not everyone can help us, we could look for a psychologist, a therapist or someone who can perceive that real personality in us without emotional or close ties.

I have always said that everything that needs to be healed needs to be removed, stripped away, torn out, and if we want deep changes within ourselves then we must be sincere in removing what hurts us.

There are behaviours in our lives that do not belong to us, that are simply what at some point someone (parents, siblings, grandparents, tutors) sowed moments that marked us, words, absences, blows, abuse, that made us those parts that we do not like, as well as those same people sowed and reinforced good and positive things that make us be those productive people today.

Change is not easy, it is like any other construction when we see that it goes wrong, you have to demolish from the walls, the beams to the very foundations.

And to raise them up again, but with healthy foundations and beams, strong where we will raise what we are and what will make us grow more and healthily.

It may seem like a big job, and it is, but you must trust in YOUR ability to grow, to change, to leave everything behind and be a new person, remember snakes as they change all their skin to be shiny and more beautiful, so in that way, learn to leave (without looking back) that dark skin full of scars and burdens that are not yours to see yourself better and feel free.

And I assure you that every day that passes, you will stop seeing that person you want to take away and put in your body, what you have too much of and what you lack, because you will learn to see who you really are, a perfect creature created by the best of artists, God.