I decided to watch my neighbor all the time. Dog poop on the lawn means that I need to teach him a lesson.
People think that I can’t see them - maybe because I have such thick glasses and when someone speaks to me the few times I go out I just ignore them. I think that they think that I am blind and that I am deaf. Maybe that is why they talk about me right beneath my window? If they only knew!! I hear everything that they are saying. Hah. Not only what they are saying underneath my window. I might look weird and like I don’t know anything. But, hahaha, I am very, very smart and I am very, very flexible.
At night, I have been in each of my neighbor's houses when they were sleeping. Snoring loudly - most of them. They should take better care of their health. Then, they would wake up when a stranger comes into the house. But no. They are snoring so loud that I can go wherever I want.
And that, I am doing. But not just that. I have little listening devices planted everywhere. They all are connected to the many computers in my basement. Each will come on and record whatever they say.
Before, when I didn’t have so many neighbors, I was able to listen to it all.
Now, I am so happy that we have ways to search and find what we want instead of having to listen to their silly fights and them going on and on and on about each other to their friends.
Boring!!!
But when they talk about me, I want to know what they are saying.
Oh, they are so mean. But I have gotten back to them so many times. One time, it was so funny!!!
I called up that neighbor who is so mean to his wife all the time. And what he says about me!! Even I was blushing and there isn’t much that can disturb me.
So, I called him up. I disguised my voice - but I really didn’t have to because nobody knows what my voice sounds like.
And it is so easy to use someone else’s number. Ha! Fools!!
I called him and sounded like a young and luscious girl. With big boobs. There is a way to sound like that and I know how to do it well. Here is what I said to him.
“Congratulations for ranking in the top 20. Your reward is a date with me.”
I said a bunch of other things too. But I know the type. They are so easy to manipulate. So very, very easy!!
When I got him right where I wanted him - I could feel him drooling and pressing the receiver closer and closer to his ear. That was such an easy thing. All I had to do is to lower my voice until I was whispering the things in his ears that make guys lose their minds.
When I got him just to that place where he was fully in my power, I blasted this stupid ass with a nice trumpet solo! And that trumpet was loud!
That is why I chose the trumpet for all those that had proven to be the worst of their kind. Backbiting, lying, sniffling, greedy - and always pretending to be so nice.
The trumpet, if used just right, can blow out eardrums.
And that is suiting me just right!!
Now, I have to start thinking how I can use the dog poop to its best advantage. Do they really think that I won’t notice? Fools!
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