When I was younger the only desire I had was to become old enough to be able to make decisions on my own. As a child it seemed as though when I became an adult all my worries would just evaporate and I won't have to pay any mind to mummy's scolding or having to run errands. Ooh, what relief it will be not to receive spanking from my Dad for the previous day I went to play ball when I was supposed to be doing house chores.
The joy of seeing my uncles and aunties do whatever they liked and not get questioned engulfed me like a toddler receiving a deep hug from mum. I would often catch myself saying and thinking "when I grow up I want to be like Uncle Dino"
Seeing them give us money whenever they came around for visits made me feel like they had all the money in their accounts, almost like being an adult guaranteed infinite cash. So much so, that I wore the judgement cap whenever they came around and we didn't receive the regular money or gifts, I would think to myself "why are they being stingy with this their plenty money now?"
From the lens of a child, they seemed to be experiencing the freedom and pleasures I knew nothing of and becoming an adult was the sure fire way for me to get a glimpse of what they were enjoying.
Many years passed and I got just what I was asking. At first it felt good being by myself not having to answer directly to anybody, not having to run errands for my parents and not being scolded for a chore I didn't get to do.
I could decide not to wash the plate and pots I used to eat and prep a meal the previous day and I wouldn't receive lectures on how it's not hygienic with how I need to do better from my mum. I could spend my money on whatever I wanted and not have to worry about my dad's prying eyes that said "that could have been used for something better".
For me adulthood happened in phases. Growing up in Nigeria makes you see and experience life different. The first phase was what I would later call the "honey moon" phase where I literally enjoyed doing everything by myself without any worries in the world. This phase was filled with many decisions that may or may not have come back to haunt me.
In this phase, Uhhh, I could say I got a glimpse of what I felt my uncles and aunties were enjoying only that it was cut short with the realization that you gotta work your ass out to be able to keep having these moments of bliss. I am a lover of good shoes, so a large portion of the money I earned back then went into getting the latest sneakers, loafers and Oxfords.
In the blink of an eye, the phase was gone just as fast as it came. Shortly after the "Honey Moon" phase of adulting came the "Ah Shit! I'm gonna die" phase.
How do I perfectly describe this phase that would help paint the picture perfectly as it was for me then? Oh Lord!
Remember when I said I loved shoes? Well, I spent 80% of my paycheck then on getting them. This decision was at the expense of food. Yeah, I know it was quite silly and dumb of me but that was it. There are so many days that made me realize that "oh shit! I'm gonna die" if I didn't make urgent life style adjustments. One of such days was the day I was so hungry it felt like life was being sucked out of me, breathing made my stomach hurt so bad... I had to drink so much water just so I would be able to sleep, I didn't even step my feet outside because it felt like any breeze that blew too strong would probably lift me off the ground.
I know you might have been thinking why didn't you just ask your parents for some help, well, the thing is I was too proud. I didn't want to become dependent after I had found this new freedom. My parents were ever so willing to lend a helping hand if I just asked. Mind you my adulthood started when I was in my second or third year in the university, so it wasn't out of place for me to request help from them.
Before the last phase, I had already worked with an eatery as a Chef and server, worked with a Cyber cafe, worked with a School and done some typing gig for a number of people doing their final year project. This made me understand the importance of money because I had to work so hard for it.
Previously, I used to wonder why my parents took it so personal when we wasted food or ate without giving thought to how long it was supposed to last in an ideal situation. It clearly made sense now when my Dad would say " You will understand when you start working for money".
Food didn't waste in my house, so bad that even when the rice (that's what I ate the most) got spoilt when it slept over night or because I convered the pot and it was already slimy, I would rinse the rice until the slim was out entirely, add salt and heat it up again. And boom it was ready to enter my stomach again.
This phase of realization was followed by the phase I called "I don gree" which translates I have accepted. This was the last and final phase of adulthood for me. It was the realization that this is probably how I'd have to live the entirety of my remaining life filled with responsibilities that sometimes seemed unsurmountable... The cycle of having money and then in the blink of an eye the money is exhausted.
I got to a point where I was asking you mean this adulthood thing there isn't like a pause button or a mid term where we can just be kids again and not have any worries in the world?
The joy is the final phase came with a lot of better decisions even though there were times when I made "if I die, I die" decisions but in the end things always had a way of working their selves out.
Right now, I'm not only responsible for myself. I have a family I am building though it's just starting out and I'm sure I might make a lot of silly decisions along the journey but one thing I'm sure of is that we will always find a way around it.
Now that I say this out loud
Well write this out loud 😂
I think I'm a little concerned, when it was just me, things were quite easier. I could go an entire day without eating but right now I can't put my family through that I "must" always provide.
My provision infact goes beyond material things like food, furniture, subscriptions... As a man, There are more pressing needs that I have to make available, I must provide emotional support and stability, I must be strong enough to provide protection for my family and above all I must always show up no matter how shitty I might feel.
Writing this I remember one time where we were really low on cash at home and we didn't have much to eat. I felt so inadequate that I may or may not have cried. Since then, I can't remember when last I got anything for myself personally. All my resources go into the house to ensure that it's functioning as it should.
Right now, I'm looking for a second job infact. A virtual assistant or anything that would help me earn in dollars. I've been away from Hive for ages.. right now I'm back. Why? Two reasons, I miss being here and the stuff I put out and I ain't gonna lie I miss the pay outs I got from here.
Many years have passed with this adulting thing. I won't say I have actually figured it out because when it seems like you've got it all checked out and held down, the government decides to enact a new bill that makes your earnings less than they were worth or a war breaks out somewhere that affects the price of fuel which without a doubt affects the price of food items.
Well, adulting is such that when you make the right decision or do stuff that are right no one will come to celebrate you or give you a pat on the back especially if you're a man. You just have to keep moving and hoping that as you move forward you keep making the right decisions.
However, I am happy for where I am right now. I am making the best of all that's going on now.
This our phase of Adulthood came when a lot is happening in the world that affects us directly and indirectly. This is to us as we keep holding on.
Image credits are Mine
