Loss...
Why does it hurt?
Is the dominance hierarchy that important?
A few months a go, there was a bench press competition at the unit, and I had a chance to be a part of it. But, and the end I wasn't the happiest...
My first attempt was 120kilos. I had conquered this weight in last year's competition, so I thought of getting that one in the sack before attempting heavier ones. It was a pretty solid lift for me. For the next try, I got a bit iffy and greedy to reach over the 130kilos mark. So I made a big jump and chose 130kilos instead of 125...
Nervous, but pretty confident, I attacked to hit the bar. But less did I know that the weight increase was too much for the not so warmed up muscles of mine. So I failed to make that lift, and I got stuck with the 130kilos bar as I couldn't decrease the weight for my next attempt.
Denied by the bar, I got ready and tried to get my hopes and energy high one more time to see if I can hit it this time. But, unlike the second attempt, I couldn't even get the bar off my chest. I had lost all I had on the previous try...
With that technical mistake, by getting too greedy on doubling my gains, I was left with only a 120kilos from last year. Mathematically speaking, I was much stronger this year. Though, it still hurt to fail two attempts in a row in front of many people by my side watching. It made me feel smaller than my true self.
It's just amazing, when you win and lose, two strange and completely opposite feelings haunt your sole. You can't tell why you are feeling them, and they do have strong and heavy meanings and influence on the people that experience them.
Maybe, defeat and the pain of losing are a pointer to tell you that you need to do something. To tell you, what you have is not enough for what you desire...
A brutal honest teacher who tells you to work on your weaknesses...
A judgmental father telling you to do better next time as this feeling is not what you want to have when another chance would be given to you to take. ...
With all that, there's something that shouldn't be forgotten here and that's kindness to self. That, is one of the post important factors of healing and getting back up. We know that defeat is a very harsh father, but in the middle of grief, sympathy and compassion to self is the way to have the next chance of trying again.
I know I lost that battle...
But, it's not gonna be what defines me. What defines me, is resilience!
We all lose, pretty much all the time in different aspects of life. Rebuilding and trying again is where the meaning to this meaningless life is placed.
'' Maybe it's not about a happy ending. Maybe it's about the story ''
*The pictures were taken a few years ago when I was competing in CrossFit tournaments.
Thank you for taking time to read my post. 馃檪
Peace! 馃挌
