Have you ever had the idea ''if this thing gets done, I'll be happy after all''?
That old idea huh...
When I was a kid, in elementary school, the only thing that would give us a real sense of happiness and freedom was the idea that we'd all get off the school one day and be free. Always waiting for that final exam, which summer break would start right after.
But we were never seeing the after world. The end of school, somehow meant redemption to us, thinking that everything is gonna be unicorns and sunny beautiful days. Not knowing that we'd just have another idea to fool ourselves with. With pretty the same pattern, the idea changed to something like ''I'll be free and happy, when my university education is over''.
About that graduation ceremony. Magnificent, everyone clapping, everyone cheering. And you, not knowing right after that day, there is some another idea for you top hope for. Working your ass off, trying to get that promotion. ''If I get that higher status in my job, then, I'll be happy''.
You see, freedom, the happy ending to all of our dreams, is just never gonna be as glamorous as we think It's gonna be. The human, as system, only works it has to do something relative to another thing. We get our minds focused on a prize(freedom) for getting a task done. Our ultimate goal, is always entangled with suffering and getting something done.
This could be a bitter fact that, we're never gonna reach what we fantasize as freedom and happiness. After getting a task done, after having a few days off, what's there to feel happy about? Are we just gonna look back and feel happy about what we did in the past? That could work for a few more days. What next?!
Our calm is always depended on some sort of suffering. Pressuring ourselves, to feel better for just a while.
Nihilistic? Maybe. Or maybe truthful. You see, what I just talked about, is the best scenario we could actually play in our life. Because the alterative goes south pretty quick. If we just let go, and realize there no need to continue doing this cyclic life, suicide and self destruction are gonna show themselves on the horizon.
How about I accept that it's not over, till it's over! That life, is what it actually is and it's not gonna end like the utopia we always pray for. What if it's about the road we're all passing, not about where we are going to...
Thank you for reading this. 鉁岋笍馃檪
Peace! 馃枻
