Recurrió inclusive a un psiquiatra, porque no entendía lo que pasaba con ella, con su manera de ser ante la presencia del amor, el cual al llegar, se esfumaba tan rápido y solo dejaba una estela de lágrimas brotando de sus ojos.

Tenía 29 años cuando conoció a Ricardo, con quien, sin casarse formalizó una relación, de la que se produjeron 2 hijos, y que por caer en la rutina y los vicios, simplemente se fue desvaneciendo aquello que llamaban amor.

Ricardo, a pesar de no encajar en lo que ella aspiraba, se supo ganar su corazón, aunque no se esmeró en conservarlo, y Paula, luego de 11 años en pareja, estaba soltera otra vez.

Sus miedos de adolescente se quisieron asomar otra vez, solo que ella ya estaba con mas confianza en sí misma, así que no les permitiría adueñarse de su mente.

Paula nunca se había visto como una mujer sexy, ya que no era de arreglarse mucho. Su afición era pintarse los labios, y era por eso que los compraba sin medirse, hasta el punto de tener una gran colección de ellos, en un degrade de tonos que iban del rojo intenso a los marrones y morados.

Pero más allá de eso, no iba a la peluquería, ni le angustiaba la manicura. Su interés iba más por lo práctico y cómodo, que lo excesivamente cuidado y llevado a la moda.

Así que cuando le nombraban el término sexy, lo tomaba como algo que no era con ella, porque no se sentía como tal.

Para Paula, esa edad no era solo un número, realmente le aterraba cumplir cuarenta años. La canción de Arjona le retumbaba en la cabeza cada vez que se acercaba su cumpleaños.

Separada, con dos niños pequeños, deudas y obligaciones, se veía sumida entre cansancio, ojeras y miles de ocupaciones que le restaban vida propia.

Pero llegada la década de los cuarenta, algo pasó, además de aumentar su auto-consciencia, Paula asumió aquello que se había empeñado a negar desde la pubertad.

Sabía lo que tenía y lo que podía ofrecer, y más allá de los kilos de más y de alguna que otra cana, su esencia, todo lo que ella disfrutaba ser internamente, seguía intacto. Aquello que la hacía atractiva, más allá de las miradas debía ser explotado para lograr que fuera eso lo que se viera de primero.

Seguía vistiendo igual, aunque ya sus hijos estaban relativamente grandes, no era capaz de cambiar la comodidad de unos tenis por zapatos de tacón alto, y lo mismo ocurría con el resto de su ropa.

Pero desde su separación de Ricardo, se la veía más sonriente, más osada, y emitía una vibra tan alta, que pesaba mucho más que cualquier defecto físico, de acuerdo con los cánones de belleza griego al que aspiran la mayoría de las mujeres.

Que tenía sus inseguridades, si, como todas, pero las ganas enormes de vivir, que experimentaba, lo que la hacía más atractiva a los ojos no solo de los hombres, sino también de las mujeres, que en algún punto o la admiraban o la envidiaban.

Volvió a viejas rutinas de pintarse los labios, e inclusive a vestirse con lo que le provocara y no con lo que según los demás, debía usar una "mujer con hijos", reía a carcajadas y decía chistes de doble sentido entre sus amigos cercanos.

Paula estaba feliz, y eso se traducía en la imagen de una mujer tan segura, que la hacía ver más sexy, inclusive para ella cuando se veía al espejo. Ya no era la chica rara con la cara llena de pecas, era la mujer que había decidido vivir, a pesar de cualquier estereotipo social.

Renació sin haber fallecido, Paula descubrió en sus cuarenta que ser sexy no tenía que ver con su físico, sino con la forma en como ella manejaba sus inseguridades y las convertía en virtudes. Y así como ella veía en Antonio su atractivo en sus aficiones, muchos otros y otras empezaron a verlo en ella... algo más allá de lo que se ve a simple vista.

Paula had always felt like "the ugly one of the group", since in her youth, no man would stop to look at her, even out of the corner of his eye, or at least that's what she felt happened.

She saw her friends going out with boys, falling in love and being disappointed, but it seemed that life had denied her those experiences; she only watched from afar and to compensate for her "lack of beauty" she dedicated herself to her studies. She promised herself not to get involved, even if the opportunity arose, with any young man until she achieved her university degree, and so it was.

The power of words probably took its toll on her brain, but Paula managed to graduate without any distractions involving a love other than her love of research and reading. And although she continued to see the other girls she shared with from afar, she was not mortified to be the exception of the group.

However, life understood her request perfectly, and shortly after graduating, Paula met Joaquín, a boy a little older than her, with whom she began a romance that ended in disappointment, to such an extent that she decided that love was not for her.

She insisted on working, perhaps too much, to forge an economic solidity that would guarantee her independence from her parents, and so it was, although she continued to live with them, more out of attachment than necessity.

Suitors arrived, attracted only by her physique, with no intention of formalizing something, so they were discarded at first sight. Maybe once she even gave a kiss, but that's as far as it went.

When Paula saw herself in the mirror, she saw a strange girl, with a face full of freckles, which made her feel self-conscious for being uncommon, and although she enjoyed not being the same as the others, it also brought her insecurities when approaching the opposite sex, as she feared that it was more out of anthropological curiosity than real interest.

At some point she lost her head for someone who, although he was not physically attractive, caught her attention because of his brain, then she understood that for her it was more important a man who thought, read and cultivated his intellect. It was with him that she discovered the meaning of the word "sexy" in her head.

But Antonio, although he loved her, was so broken inside that he was consumed by his demons and Paula painfully stepped aside. She even resorted to a psychiatrist, because she did not understand what was happening with her, with her way of being in the presence of love, which, when it came, vanished so quickly and left only a trail of tears flowing from her eyes.

She was 29 years old when she met Ricardo, with whom, without getting married, she formalized a relationship, which produced 2 children, and that by falling into the routine and vices, what they called love simply faded away.

Ricardo, in spite of not fitting in what she aspired, knew how to win her heart, although he did not take care to keep it, and Paula, after 11 years as a couple, was single again.

Her teenage fears wanted to creep up on her again, only she was more confident, so she wouldn't let them take over her mind.

Paula had never thought of herself as a sexy woman, as she was not much of a dresser. Her hobby was painting her lips, and that was why she would buy them without measuring herself, to the point of having a large collection of them, in a degrade of shades ranging from deep red to browns and purples.

But beyond that, she did not go to the hairdresser, nor was she anxious about manicures. She was more interested in the practical and comfortable, rather than the excessively manicured and fashionable.

So when the term sexy was mentioned to her, she took it as something that wasn't with her, because she didn't feel like one.

For Paula, that age was not just a number, she was really terrified of turning forty. Arjona's song was pounding in her head every time her birthday approached.

Separated, with two small children, debts and obligations, she found herself mired in fatigue, dark circles under her eyes and a thousand occupations that robbed her of a life of her own.

But when she reached her forties, something happened, besides increasing her self-consciousness, Paula assumed what she had insisted on denying since puberty.

She knew what she had and what she could offer, and beyond the extra pounds and the occasional gray hair, her essence, everything she enjoyed being internally, remained intact. That which made her attractive, beyond the looks, had to be exploited to make that what was seen first.

She continued to dress the same way, even though her children were relatively old, she was not able to change the comfort of tennis shoes for high heels, and the same happened with the rest of her clothes.

But since her separation from Ricardo, she looked more smiling, more daring, and emitted a vibe so high, that it outweighed any physical defect, according to the canons of Greek beauty to which most women aspire.

That she had her insecurities, yes, like everyone else, but the enormous will to live, which she experienced, made her more attractive in the eyes not only of men, but also of women, who at some point either admired her or envied her.

She went back to old routines of painting her lips, and even dressing in what provoked her and not in what others thought a "woman with children" should wear, she laughed out loud and told double-entendre jokes among her close friends.

Paula was happy, and that translated into the image of a woman so confident, it made her look sexier, even to herself when she looked in the mirror. She was no longer the freckle-faced freaky girl, she was the woman who had decided to live, despite any social stereotype.

Reborn without having died, Paula discovered in her forties that being sexy had nothing to do with her physique, but with the way she handled her insecurities and turned them into virtues. And just as she saw in Antonio her attractiveness in her hobbies, many others began to see in her... something beyond what meets the eye.