Source - Image was edited using canva app
“What the hell! Amanda where’s this attitude coming from?”
“What do you mean this attitude?” - I said.
“This Amanda, this sudden outrage, it’s totally uncalled for. You know what? We’ll deal with this later but now you’re late for your date with Justin” - Katie my supposed best friend said.
”Why are you so hell-bent on me meeting Justin?”
“Because you guys need to work things out. I feel like you guys broke up for reasons that weren’t worth it....besides I don’t want you to be the only one without a boyfriend in our group, yunno to avoid feeling left out. You get what I mean?” - she stupidly said.
It dawned on me at that moment; I realized that I had been living my entire life to please everyone.
“I’m not going anywhere. Before you start asking questions let me finish. I’m sick and tired of living my life just to please everyone. I’m currently in my final year in a university that I didn’t want to go to, studying a course I never wanted to, why? Because my parents said so, because I wanted them to be happy with me. Katie for Christ’s sake, I broke up with Justin barely two weeks ago, you asked me why and I told you, I told how he made me feel, how he always transferred his aggression on me, how he always belittled me, always had negative remarks about my light weight, how he almost hit me, how he was always complaining and what did you say? You told me not to feel bad as far as he hadn’t hit me yet, you told me you were concerned about how difficult it would be for me to get a new boyfriend. You’re supposed to be my best friend, you know things aren’t going so well with my parents, you know they’re divorced, you know i don’t have as much money as you girls do but yet you always make me feel left out or inferior just because I can’t afford what you guys can. You knew when I was struggling in school with academics, you didn’t say anything, I didn’t complain. You’re more concerned about me trying to fit in with the rest of you than my personal and emotional well-being. I’m so sick and tired of having to kiss up to a lot of people just to make you and others happy I can’t remember the last time I did something for myself, the last time I did something without seeking for validation first, the last time I put myself first and where has that gotten me? Nowhere. What has it brought me? Nothing but sadness, tears and having to deal with an inferiority complex.” - I said with so much fury.
“But....” - she tried to talk
“No but’s...let me finish. I thought this was what friendship was like, I thought i had real friends but I was mistaken. Friends are supposed to be there for you both in good times and bad times but you guys are only here when things are good. I shouldn’t be worried about fitting in with you guys when you’re supposedly my friends, I shouldn’t be seeking for validation amongst my friends, when things are wrong I should be able to tell myself that I have people I can confide in, you guys turn my problems into jokes. Friends wouldn’t make me choose between having them as friends or having another set of people as friends, my relationship status shouldn’t define our friendship... I can’t believe I wasted so much time and effort trying to please you guys” - At this point I was so happy that I could stand up for myself.
“I didn’t know you felt this way” - she said
“Well you never asked, you weren’t even interested in knowing anything about me”
It was at point I knew I deserve better than this, I deserved better.Scratch that. I deserve the best.
With that I opened the door and left Katie’s room with her mouth wide open.
I, Amanda Smith deserve the best and I’m going to get it.