Through the Lens of a Dreamer

I almost forgot when I last took pictures with my camera.

To me, taking photos means discovering beauty in the mundane and something extraordinary to capture.

Finding beauty in the mundane used to come so easily, and I never hesitated to bring my camera along when I am wandering. Lately, though, I've been feeling a bit more self-aware about it. I have to admit that taking photos is much more enjoyable when I can be less conscious of what I do, just hiding behind the camera, going around places, and taking pictures.

I used to love wandering through the market, snapping pictures without holding back, but these days, I am too self-conscious about that. Isn't it odd?

I suppose this is where it all starts. Lately, it seems like more and more places are enforcing a no-camera policy. If you show up with a camera like mine, they often perceive it as professional equipment, even though I just have a humble prosumer camera—nothing too fancy. I suppose people don't always differentiate, but they tend to let it slide a bit more if it's a mirrorless camera—something I honestly struggle to understand.

Maybe I was just stumbling upon some type of wall with my hobby. I am unsure if I've fallen out of love with it, but it doesn't seem that way. Photography has always sparked new perspectives for me and taken me places. Yet, there are also times when I feel conscious about the limitations of using a consumer camera.

Unfortunately, when I managed to save enough money to upgrade, unexpected expenses took priority over it. That's probably why I also stopped taking pictures a lot lately; just feeling a little bummed about the whole situation.

Another huge realization was that I realized, "What's the point?" Sometimes, I wonder why I am taking pictures with my camera when there are smartphones that probably do it better than I do. I sometimes wonder if it's a skill issue or just a gadget issue, haha.

The good news is that my life has become a bit more settled. It allows me to start exploring new things again. I get it; sometimes, I struggle to be kind to myself. I've gone through a lot this year —moving between different provinces, dealing with family losses, and just some other shit I had to deal with. Everything starts to make more sense when I think about it that way. But I also realize I shouldn't be in this state for too long; feeling stuck and joyless isn't a great place to be. If this expensive hobby brings me joy, then so be it! Haha.