While the coffee is being made by the barista... I will write something I learned these past few days.
12 October 2020
I woke up late today, 11 AM to be exact and immediately, felt like shit. What the fuck did I do with my life?
I rolled around couple of times trying to find motivation to get up. Eventually, I got up from bed and asked myself questions, Why am I like this? Why am I lack of discipline? How can I get into where I want to be in life? how do I get rich? Why can't I work hard even when my brain tells me to? Why am I listening to my heart more than my brain? I stood up while drinking water from a coffee mug. I glanced over my table and saw 5 unwashed mug and glasses. Shit !
Then, someone knocked my door.
"Hey do you have cinnamon powder?"
" Ah no, it's all used up" I replied.
When that person left, I had a moment of silence looking into my room. I started folding the laundry from previous day and thinking, alright let's open youtube and inject myself with some daily dose motivational videos. I typed " How to be more discipline" and the result led me to Thomas Frank and Brandon, whom I have followed in the past. I listened their advice on how to be more discipline. I played their video twice while I cleaned my room and organized it.
Brandon said a powerful thing that I failed to practice in my day-to-day life "Do your thing first before attending other requests". This particular advice is something I fail to practice. The moment I wake up, the first thing I grab is my mobile phone. Next is, I will be checking if I have a message, being mentioned, a new announcement, or someone asked me something- I am always quick in replying because a slight problem haunts me. Then, I will check my twitter to see what's going on with the world. Next thing I know, I spent 5 hours just scrolling and attending to other request instead of mine.Who benefits from this? definitely not me. Who will complain about failing something and unable being discipline? definitely me and the cycle will continue. This situation reminds me to Ayn Rand, who advocates " Selfishness is a virtue." in which on this context, I think it is applicable. Put yourself first before anyone else when you want to improve yourself.
After injecting myself with some dose of ideas how to be more disciplined, I went to shower and decided I will be doing my homework from the cafe. I also made the decision to get sandwich instead rice based meal and declared it my enemy. On the way to the cafe, I was reminded with a conversation I had with my friend, the daughter of my landlord. For me, she is a curious cat and I suspect has been watching conspiracy theory videos.
Among many things she asked, here are some questions I find fascinating that she even asked me these :
I can answer some of those questions for I have asked myself the same questions when I was her age. I still remember having a debate with my mom when I told her " God doesn't exist" and " Why could you believe in something that doesn't exist?" of course she was furious and because I was 12 years old that time- she had a power over me or so I thought.However, as I grew up and when I talked to her about those things, she just listened. Because now, I hold the power ; I can go anytime, I can be anywhere and I can cut the ties. This is what I think the perks of being adult. Anyhow, I explained some of the questions to her from the standpoint of science with some information I gathered and learned during my years in the academia.
" You know, when I ask these questions, my friends think I am strange" she said.
I thought our education system and society have improved, turns out I was wrong. They are still doing the same thing as when I was younger. I also grew up in a place where I was discouraged for asking open questions because " you can read" and " find it first" mentality. So, I ended up researching everything myself and do things based on what I read with trial and error approach. I don't think this is the best approach and may cause some harm. For instance : Why is it hard for people to stop smoking? I ended up smoking to answer this question and I learned why it is hard to quit the nicotine. In the end, I told her that she can come to me anytime when she want to ask me questions people deem strange.
Well.. the coffee is here... See you in the next think with caffeine.
Points :
~ Mac
@macwyls.
