“One hazelnut latte please!” I ordered at the cashier and suddenly a guy next to me tapped my shoulders.

“ Hey you!”

I was taken aback, especially when I saw a familiar face. It was my highschool best friend, let’s call him Ory.

“ Where have you been all this time!” he asked. I didn’t realize I had been missing from the people I used to know for years now. I thought I was covering up my tracks pretty well but what a small world, right?

Ory and GSM, another bestfriend from my highschool, were wondering where I was and how I was doing. When I said, I cut contact with everyone, I really did. I was disappearing like a ghost without a trace until that moment I met Ory.

I suppose going back to my hometown is just another way that I would be one of my friends eventually but reuniting with my highschool best friends was something.

Ory then sat with me at the cafe asking how I was, what I do for living, and where I am and another surprise is that he moved to Yogyakarta for two years now. We were so close yet so far and though it was a brief talk, we got in contact again and I was happy about it. Despite years of not seeing each other, I don't think we are different person, we were still the same kids who would hangout and travel together.

When I said I am coming up slowly to the surface as my February self-improvement goal, I think the universe is supporting it. I suddenly got to see my bestfriend after years. It was giving me some fresh air from my current life situation. Like hey, a novelty and so much to catch up on! it was certainly feeling so nice to be reunited with them but also giving me a wake up call that time flies.

I think that I’ve been in the dark for a bit too long. I hide not only because I was hustling but I was also ashamed and can’t figure a way out of my suicidal life and thoughts. Only in the last couple of months, I started seeing light in my life and I keep improving each day to better my life and the people I care the most. While I got disconnected with my offline life friends, I built something online where I feel supported and heard here. But now that I want to live my life more behind the screen, I am certainly finding ways to balance both.

During those short conversations, I heard about the friends I used to know who passed away young, got married, and are doing well in life. I suppose 7 years is enough time for many things to happen but maybe not my life. At least not how I felt it. Sometimes it felt like I was a hamster running in the wheel and unable to stop. But not anymore though, there are many improvements in my life, even mentally.

After that meeting, I went down the nostalgia road and realized how pessimistic I was even at 19. I didn’t even believe that I would ever make it to 23 due to my suicidal tendencies but here I am now, at 25 and living life. Sure, there are days I was pessimistic about life but compared to how dark it was, things do get better. Now, I am rebuilding my life from the ground up and starting all over again. I don’t know where the journey will take me but I will sure enjoy it whatever life throws the ball at me. Thanks to anyone who has supported me all these years and even read my rants 🙂 those definitely meant a lot to me.

Anyway, you’d be seeing more of my adventure soon instead of a rant. So, hope y’all stick around for some of my regular travelogs again and if you enjoy learning about history and such, definitely stay tuned!