The repetition of the last three.

A sense of doom and dark clouds are approaching. It's given because lately, I circled back to everything I did and realized I've spent years optimizing and learning how the world works but never the system that determines the outcome.

Nine years later, I am still thinking, planning, and even going through phases of rebuilding. For most people, they will start to evaluate their life once in a year their life doesn't change much. Well, that takes me nine years to start asking, "why?", and "what?".

I said one time that I fear nothing but I just found a new fear, " what if next year, I am only living the repetition of the last three?"

And that fear drives me to audit my life once again and finally taking the necessary steps. I have several weaknesses thinking visibility doesn't matter when in reality it does. There's also career missmatch and lack of clarity. Right now I have 5 separate career trajectory I am building when in reality they all can be integrated. Finally, despite all the knowledge I have about money, I am still worrying about it😄

All those are still the repetition of the last three and even 9 years of my entire 20's. Today, before I am teaching, I realized one thing. Sometimes, it isn't really about the knowledge but having the system that will actually get me towards the life I wanted to have.

In the end, if I don't change the system, I'd only be efficient at staying in the same place.