Over the course of 10 minutes, I have rapidly learnt to live on the sea, gain 2k lbs, eat krill, and be considered a mammal fish by various marine biology institutions
This has spurred some attention to my "Whale" status as well as many questions as to how I reached this stage.
"How to Whale" is a series of articles where I will be candid and open about my ongoing life as one of the biggests and largests creatures alive
TL;DR: There is obviously a shortcut, a magic pill and some illegal and radiactives experiments that have helped me to be how I am now.
I will be relatively harsh and direct in my advice as I was equally hard on myself getting to where I am today. Living without money and other material human worries and extreme expense control were only the tip of the ice berg when I started out.
I also do need to stress that even during my pursuit of freedom, my non-existent principles as a WHALE being always came first and this is obviously a Pinochio-ish story. I have always believed in giving, helping and the benefits of good Krill.
Today's lesson was going to be about dissecting the beautiful relationship between a tween and a killer whale 'orca' represented by the Award-winning National Geographic documentary- mini-series ''Free Willy'', but then I realized there are a few fiction pieces that discriminate whales in a horrendous way. We will be talking about whale-cism, an adyacent problematic in famous literally pieces such as Moby Dick and Pinocchio, or animated movies as Finding Nemo. In the name of the entire whale species this is EXPOSING WHALE-CISM:
Pinocchio: Pinocchio is a murderer. A psychopath. he killed the cricket for his own benefits. He must be left in my frjend whaley. Geppetto is the nice one. Roberto Begnini, he always deserves better. Not pinocchio. Also the perception of whales eating humans is completely unrealistic.
Moby Dick:
One of the most overrated-boring classics and its about a whale killing captain Ahab. Whale-hunting? That was sure a bad thing in the 19th century but whales would never hunt humans like that. Whale-discrimination. Moving forward to Finding Nemo.
Finding Nemo:
The story about the trip of a father willing to do anything to save his son may look as an overwhelming an heart-warming story at first look. But it hides a whale-cist stereotype about whales being dumb.
Of course, im talking about that scene where the characters 'Marlin' and his comedy-relief partner 'Dory' get stuck in a whale in a Pinochio-ish kind of scene. Ironically, those two are also Disney-made movies. And they want to be in touch with nowadays political movements such as feminism, racism, but completely ignores others like the discriminated minority of the transanimals. Cats does completely not represent us, abomination. well, im a whale, but catsy people prefer the musical. Back to the point, whales aren't dumb, whales aren't fat, its just the other animals are skinny as spaghettis.
Whales aren't that dumb and ignorant to not realize there are humans inside them.
CLIMATE CHANGE
How dare you! How dare you to not listen to Greta Thunberg. Climate Change is coming, and we have noyhing to do about it. Humans can. You CAN. In Communist Russia Everyone can. Recycle now if you don't want your garding. to be like a Michael Bay movie. Im talking to your house exploding. also don't take your trash to the trash can. Send it on a rocket to be burning in the Sun. It only costs 5 million bucks/ 2 lbs of trash. If you have a home in dubai you can afford it.
In the name of the Whale Humans Are True (WHAT) association, we hope you to be more moral in this article and start respecting whales as the living peeps they are. Start the transformation now.