Hola padres y madres de esta comunidad, espero tengan un grandioso día, hoy quiero hablarles como va mi experiencia con la crianza respetuosa.
Hello parents of this community, I hope you have a great day, today I want to talk to you about my experience with respectful parenting.
Ha sido difícil el camino de la crianza respetuosa, aunque en teoría sabía que sería duro, nunca será lo mismo cuando lo llevas a la práctica y la aplicas cada día, todos los días, que a veces da resultados y la mayoría de las veces no. Y es que tenemos que tener en cuenta que antes de ser madres somos personas que se cansan, que también se le agota la paciencia, que se frustra y podemos sentirnos mal. Lo que medio me sirve jeje porque no diré que soy superexitosa aplicando la crianza respetuosa, no lo soy y ya más adelante les contaré un caso con Luna que me paso ayer.
It has been difficult the path of respectful parenting, although in theory I knew it would be hard, it will never be the same when you put it into practice and apply it every day, every day, sometimes it gives results and most of the time it does not. And we have to keep in mind that before being mothers we are people who get tired, who also run out of patience, who get frustrated and we can feel bad. What half serves me hehe because I will not say that I am super successful in applying respectful parenting, I am not and later I will tell you a case with moon that happened to me yesterday.
Pero lo que me medio funciona, es que, al momento de sentirme muy muy molesta, lo que hago primero es regularme, respirar, alejarme un momento, trato de calmarme, pero debo hacerlo rápido, porque quiero luego dirigirme a Luna calmada para hablar de lo que acaba de suceder antes de que se le olvide y este como si nada jugando feliz cuando su acción debe tener una consecuencia inmediata.
But what half works for me, is that, when I feel very, very upset, what I do first is to regulate myself, breathe, walk away for a moment, try to calm down, but I have to do it fast, because I want to then go to Luna calmly to talk about what just happened before she forgets and is like nothing else playing happy when her action should have an immediate consequence.
Ante ayer yo estaba trabajando en la pc y Luna jugaba, pero luego se alejó de mi vista, estaba muy concentrada en lo que hacía, hasta que minutos después se me acerca Luna llorando (sin lágrimas) y con la cabeza gacha como apenada, y me dice: mami estaba tratando de meter la llave en la reja de la casa y se rompió. Se había puesto a jugar con la llave en la reja de la casa, se rompió la llave y la mitad quedo dentro del cerrojo jajaja, me rio, pero en ese momento estaba furiosa, quería estallar, gritarle muchas cosas jajaja. Vivimos alquilados y no le habíamos sacado más copias a la llave, entonces no podemos dañar nada sino tendremos problemas.
Before yesterday I was working on the pc and Luna was playing, but then she left my sight, she was very concentrated on what she was doing, until minutes later Luna came to me crying (no tears) and with her head down as if she was sorry, and she told me: mommy was trying to put the key in the grill of the house and it broke. She had started to play with the key in the grill of the house, the key broke and half of the key was inside the lock hahaha, I laugh, but at that moment I was furious, I wanted to explode, scream many things hahaha. We live in a rented house and we hadn't made any more copies of the key, so we can't damage anything or we will have problems.
Claro ella se acercó apenada y ya estaba “llorando” porque sabía que tendría consecuencias sus actos, yo trate de calmarme, vocifere algo para sacar la rabia y le comente a mi pareja para ver que podíamos solucionar, después que medio me calme, trate de valorar que se dirigió a mí para contarme, en lugar de ocultar toda evidencia, entonces tome en cuenta eso, la lleve a su cuarto, la senté y le explique que lo que sucedió estuvo muy mal, que es complicado sacar la llave de allí, que no son juguetes, que solo debe jugar con sus juguetes, las cosas de los demás no son para jugar y si necesita hacer algo debe preguntarme primero, yo sabré decirle si se puede usar o no.
Of course, she approached me with sorrow and was already "crying" because she knew that her actions would have consequences, I tried to calm down, I shouted something to get the anger out and I told my partner to see what we could solve, after I half calmed down, I tried to value that she came to me to tell me, instead of hiding all evidence, so I took that into account, took her to her room, sat her down and explained to her that what happened was very wrong, that it is complicated to get the key out of there, that they are not toys, that she should only play with her toys, other people's things are not to play with and if she needs to do something she should ask me first, I will know how to tell her if it can be used or not.
Entonces le dije que pensara en su cuarto sobre todo lo que le dije, la deje sin tiempo de Tablet y sin salida a jugar como consecuencia de su acción. Es todo lo que pude hacer, no sabía que más decirle, mi cabeza estaba más en saber cómo íbamos a solucionar esto, el problema era bastante complicado de resolver, mi pareja encontró una manera de sacar la mitad de la llave que quedo adentro por un video que vio y lo logro, lo próximo fue dirigirnos a la dueña de la casa y preguntarle si de casualidad tenía una copia y pues si la tenía nos las entregó.
Then I told her to think in her room about everything I told her, I left her with no tablet time and no way out to play as a consequence of her action. That's all I could do, I did not know what else to tell her, my head was more in knowing how we were going to solve this, but the problem was quite complicated to solve, my partner found a way to get half of the key that was left inside by a video he saw and he did it, the next thing was to go to the owner of the house and ask her if she had a copy and if she did she gave it to us.
Por allí ya todo estaba resuelto, sacamos copia, la tormenta se calmó, pero ayer en la tarde nos provocó comer algo dulce y salimos los tres a comprar algo, cerramos las puertas sin meter seguro, solo cerradas, ya que volveríamos en seguida, al regresar que metemos la llave para abrir no entraba bien y no se podía abrir la puerta, estábamos en la calle, pues antes de salir Luna no sé qué le paso y encontró la mitad de la llave que habíamos sacado anteriormente (se nos pasó botarla) y ¿a que no adivinan que hizo mi querida hija? Jajaja, así mismo, volvió a meter la mitad de la llave rota en el cerrojo.
By then everything was already solved, we made a copy, the storm calmed down, but yesterday afternoon we had something sweet to eat and the three of us went out to buy something, we closed the doors without locking them, just locked, since we would be back right away, when we got back the key to open it did not fit well and we could not open the door, we were in the street, well before leaving Luna I do not know what happened and found half of the key that we had taken out previously (we forgot to throw it away) and guess what my dear daughter did? Hahaha, just like that, she put half of the broken key back in the lock.
Los dos estábamos rojos de lo enfadados que estábamos, yo no sabía dónde meterme de la rabia que sentí por dentro jajaja quería agarrarla y sacudirla y quería hacer muchas cosas que bueno, no las hice, pero podrán imaginarse, estar de nuevo en esa situación, cuando ya le había explicado que estaba mal, que había hablado con ella antes, que hasta había perdido sus privilegios, creí que con eso había entendido, mi pareja no dejaba de decirme lo mal que estaba haciendo las cosas y simplemente solo me hizo sentir peor, la rabia se me bajo y solo me sentía derrotada, que de verdad estaba haciendo algo mal, pensaba, ¿debo pegarle? ¿De verdad esa es la solución?, no puedo, no me cabe en la cabeza que esa sea la solución, me invadieron tantas dudas.
We were both red from how angry we were, I did not know where to put myself from the rage I felt inside hahaha I wanted to grab her and shake her and I wanted to do many things that well, I did not do, but you can imagine, being back in that situation, when I had already explained to her that it was wrong, that I had talked to her before, that she had even lost her privileges, I thought I had understood, my partner kept telling me how bad I was doing things and it just made me feel worse, the anger went down and I just felt defeated, that I was really doing something wrong, I thought, should I hit her? Is that really the solution? I can't, I can't believe that this is the solution, I had so many doubts.
Pensaba que Luna iba a crecer y cometería otras cosas que sería mi culpa porque ¿no supe como educarla?, no entendía porque lo volvió hacer, paso un largo rato que resolvimos como abrir y al pasar a la casa mi pareja agarro a Luna por el brazo y la metió en su cuarto, ella se puso a llorar, yo me metí a mi cuarto a pensar y calmarme, me sentía muy mal, dudaba de mi misma, pero no, lamentablemente no soy capaz de pegarle, no puedo, porque a mi me pegaban y eso no me ayudo, solo me hizo una persona aterrada de miedo, ensimismada, sumisa.
We were both red from how angry we were, I did not know where to put myself from the rage I felt inside hahaha I wanted to grab her and shake her and I wanted to do many things that well, I did not do, but you can imagine, being back in that situation, when I had already explained to her that it was wrong, that I had talked to her before, that she had even lost her privileges, I thought I had understood, my partner kept telling me how bad I was doing things and it just made me feel worse, the anger went down and I just felt defeated, that I was really doing something wrong, I thought, should I hit her? Is that really the solution? I can't, I can't believe that this is the solution, I had so many doubts.
Decidí volver a conversar con ella, a preguntarle por qué lo volvió hacer, si ya le había explicado, ella no sabía que responder, bajaba la cabeza, no me miraba los ojos, solo pude decirle que estaba muy molesta por lo que hizo y también muy triste porque ya habíamos hablado de esto, le coloqué un castigo más grande que el anterior, le di una larga charla a ver si se le metía ya en su cerebro, la verdad ya no sabía que más hacer. Todavía estoy conmocionada, no por lo que paso en sí, sino por mis dudas, como si estuviera haciendo las cosas muy mal.
I decided to talk to her again, to ask her why she did it again, if I had already explained it to her, she did not know what to answer, she lowered her head, she did not look at me, I could only tell her that she was very upset for what she did and also very sad because we had already talked about this, I gave her a bigger punishment than the previous one, I gave her a long talk to see if she would get it into her brain, the truth is that I did not know what else to do. I am still in shock, not because of what happened, but because of my doubts, as if I was doing things very wrong.