My days have become boring, impregnated with negativism, with a feeling of emptiness, which apparently has no cure, a broken heart, on the edge of its limit and a mind worn out so much to think about it. Although harder, it's seeing her, because her gaze captivates me, but everything changes when I can't hug her.
Sometimes I have the opportunity to see her, and I confess that when she smiles for a few seconds, I feel that she is still there with me, that nothing has happened and that everything was part of a nightmare. But then I realize, that it is an illusion, and that everything remains the same, that nothing has changed, that I would like to hug her tightly for a few minutes, but I dare not do it, because I am afraid that she will reject me or that she feels uncomfortable with me , and believe me that is what I least want.
Sometimes I settle for just seeing her and making her laugh with one of my bad jokes, which sincerely makes me happy to get her out even if it's a smile. Although deep down her attitude is natural, because she is upset, sometimes I perceive that in some moments of laughter and conversation, she feels that we are still together and that nothing has happened, but that when we remain silent, we realize which It is the reality of our lives.
Although they are moments of illusion, which I enjoy, because I am sharing with her in some way. In the solitude of my room, I feel sad, hopeless, not wanting to continue, not wanting to do anything. My head becomes totally crazy, thinking of her, and vitiated by the old memories, that made me happy, that made me feel unique, that made me feel loved and appreciated. We weren't perfect, but I do think we could have gone further, if I hadn't made so many stupid and pointless mistakes, for letting myself be influenced by people, that the only thing they were looking for is that mine with her didn't have a happy ending.
I am aware that many things happen through your head, the product of gossip, of people who think they are more moralistic than others. Who believe they are more perfect than others. I have even noticed that she is concerned that we are involved or think that we returned. For the simple fact that others can say. But, we must wait for time to come...
@luisucv34