HELLO, MY NAME IS LENA AND I HAVE AN ADDICTION TO GAMBLING. I AM A SECRET-GAMBLER, YOU CAN SAY.
MY HUSBAND DOESN'T ALWAYS KNOW THAT I AM GAMBLING ON THE ONLINE CASINO SITES THAT THEY HAPPEN TO PROVIDE GAMBLERS LIKE MYSELF.
I KNOW IT SOUNDS PRETTY PATHETIC BUT I AM ADDICTED.
I PLAY THE INSTANT WIN SCRATCH-OFF TICKETS. I HAVE PROBABLY SPENT OVER $500,000 SINCE I HAVE STARTED GAMBLING, AND WON ONLY $4,000 OF THAT 500K.
WHEN I SAY I AM A SECRET-GAMBLER, I MEAN THAT I LIE TO MY HUSBAND WHEN THE RENT MONEY DISAPPEARS FROM TIME TO TIME. SOMETIMES, I AM ABLE TO CONTROL MYSELF AND SAY, "NO, THIS MONTH YOU ARE NOT GOING TO BE A FUCKING IDIOT".
IF YOU HAPPEN TO LOOK ON THE BACK AT THE SCRATCH-OFF TICKETS, IT CLEARLY STATES, "PLEASE PLAY RESPONSIBLY". I THINK I HAVE CROSSED THAT LINE OF PLAYING "RESPONSIBLY". I HAVE THOUGHT ABOUT GETTING SOME PROFESSIONAL HELP BUT I WOULD BE TERRIBLY EMBARRASSED.
AND THEN THERE'S THE THOUGHT OF LOSING MY HUSBAND. WHO WANTS TO BE WITH AN ADDICT, OF ANY KIND? MAYBE A SEX ADDICT BUT NOT IN HELL A FUCKING GAMBLING ONE.
I JUST CAN'T SEEM TO HELP MYSELF. I GET ALL SWEATY AND MY HEART RACES LIKE WATCHING THE HORSES ON A RACE TRACK. MY HANDS GET ALL CLAMMY, AND THEN THE MINUTE I LOSE, MY HEART SINKS TO THE BOTTOM OF MY ASS. MY MIND RACES LIKE CRAZY.
BUT UNFORTUNATELY, I ENJOY IT. I LOVE IT. I'M PATHETIC.
HELLO, MY NAME IS LENA AND I AM ADDICTED TO GAMBLING. ):