For two nights, I've been unable to sleep because of the nagging feeling that I should be doing something or buying something new. I love shopping for new things. If my budget would allow, I would buy a new gadget/art work every single day. Maybe someday I would.
My obsessive thoughts have always led me to try out new things. I was obsessed in 2018 with drawing almost every day. I thought I would never get tired of it, but I did when my compulsive need to code came along. Before then, I'd thought I'd write forever and before then, I thought I would be a doctor and later a psychologist. I'm not naive any longer to think that I would enjoy coding forever. I know that what I do enjoy though is learning new things. I'm fascinated by how things work and as long as there are new things to try, my philosophy is bent towards experimenting by trying them out.
So back to my sleepless nights. Today I woke up by 8 am and was harassed by the voices in my head to get a new hobby. I'd considered a sewing machine or a new phone for vlogging but I'm really not a phone person. Yes, I mentioned I would love to buy gadgets every single day, but that's for things I believe are functional, like an iPad or a great camera for photography and vlogging. So, after hours on YouTube where I spent watching comparison reviews of phones, I decided my budget could not get me the phone of my dreams on the spot and the hassle of dealing with sewing machines and potential repairs and delayed gratification from seeing a product you've made appear on the spot put me off. This applied to other ideas like knitting or crocheting.
This rationalizing did not however stop me from still reading/watching those reviews because I am, as I mentioned earlier compulsive with my obsessions. So I sat on my bed till 1 pm hungry and mentally exhausted to think further. My cranky and sleepy self felt the only way to make this potentially unproductive day slightly productive would be to purchase some acrylic paint and new canvases. I did this and even painted a picture of Luigi before finally crashing after eating a low calorific desert purchased a day earlier.
I slept for four hours, woke up to find those voices still muttering their petition for me to do something! A friend of mine recommended baking and even though I responded that it wasn't really my thing, in those brief moments with my tormentors, I realized that this actually fits the criteria of being non-hassle or at least not to the degree the other options were. Also, it should instantly gratify. Also, I would be learning a valuable skill and possibly not have boring food combinations for some time.
So, as you've probably guessed, I bought an electric oven because my old Ukrainian apartment did not come with any good appliances. I'm hoping I get that delivered by tomorrow as I would really love to make some Nigerian meat-pies. But before then, I'll need to shop for a rolling pin and board. The best part of it all is that the voices in my head have let up. I have fulfilled their request.
What about you? What compulsive requests do you have to deal with to function?
