There are days when the soul simply feels heavy.
The day did start slowly. It was one of those mornings when you get up from bed and you're just feeling this heavy weight in your chest. I would've slept in if I didn't have to go to a small-scale mining site with my group for Engineering Practice.
I went about my morning routine, ate some food, and set out in my PPEs. In my class, everyone has their own clique. Maybe that day, if I'd met my clique, I'd have felt better. But they were all in a different group, and I was the only one of us in another group.
I really tried. I tried talking to other people, smiling and mingling. But no one seemed interested enough in hanging out with me. I'm not a boring person, that's for sure. It's just that everyone I spoke to eventually rejoined their cliques, and I was left feeling alone.
Maybe if this had happened on a different day, I wouldn't have minded at all. But like I said, on that particular day, my soul felt heavy and I desperately needed some cheering up. Every dismissal felt like a brutal rejection, and it wounded me even though I smiled and pretended everything was alright.
That was when I understood how some depressed people have the biggest smiles. It's just difficult having to voice out things you don't even understand. So the smiles are just masks to cover the cracks that'll attract questions.
I know my laughter that day was a cry for help. The jokes weren't even that funny, but I still laughed in hopes that those joking wouldn't stop and leave me in the dark place I was trying to crawl out of.
If you're feeling heavy today, know that you're not alone.
Images are mine.
