I do just feel like 'letting off some 'steem' right now so forgive me!
I have been at work all day and have had to keep a lid on things and all I really want to do is scream and shout - it's just not a good day for me!
On this day 2 years ago my so called grandfather committed suicide after being faced with charges of Sexual Abuse. I can't help but let the anger flow freely through my veins, which is surprising as I thought I had 'got passed that', but in truth, I don't think it is something you just 'get passed', just simply learn to live with it and build a more positive, happy life.
A very good, and wise friend of mine said to me today, "One always has blessings, when you feel down count your blessings it's the antidote. One can't hold hands lovingly and fight at the same time. Our brains are not wired that way."
I completely agree and this helped shift a little of my funk. But you know those moments when you are SO frustrated and you start throwing things, or slam the glass down on the table that little bit harder etc, that was me today, except I couldn't do any of those things, I had to smile and be pleasant like I had roses growing from my backside, unbeknown to them of the thorns that were paining me on the inside.
I don't like to 'go on' about things, as I know I have already posted about this, just I've not actually spoken to anyone about this today, as I know I am not the only one who today has affected. I'm more of a 'in silence' type, and suppose this is a way of 'offloading', so my apologies to whoever may or may not be reading!
The anger I felt this day two years ago was off the scale. I was at my best friends house and had heard and read on the local live news that a man had stepped onto the train tracks and waited for the train. I just knew in my gut it was him. With that, I walked up to the station. I got there and couldn't move, I just stood outside watching, there was nothing to see, the services were obviously quick with there work and had 'collected' all they could. It was then that I phoned the police and 'let them know' what had happened as I just knew it was him. I was told they were 'aware' of the incident and would let me know of any updates. They didn't. They knew it was him before I phoned and obviously didn't want to tell me over the phone, which now I totally understand, but at that time it was a different story!
I got back to my friends and had a call from my mum to say the police had been round and gave them the news. We finished up the conversation and that was that, I don't remember much else from that day, only that I didn't go to work for my night shift and that the next morning Facebook was going mad with messages to family dishing out sympathy like it was going out of fashion.
That was the final straw, I wanted everyone to know of the monster behind that decieving mask. I had talked back and forth with my best friend as to whether I should 'do it' or not, 'it' being writing my own Facebook status exposing him for who he really was. Finally I managed to throw some words together and got the truth out...
After this came a lot of shock and complete disbelief - that in itself caused more anger than what it was worth! But I knew the possible outcomes of my actions - to the point of reporters messaging me because they wanted coverage, I was up for that at first but opted out in the end. I was just on a major anger high! To hell with everything!
BUT! That was then and this is now. I feel I have come a long way since then, and today was just a little set back and I let some of that anger in, perhaps it's healthy, after all, we are 'only human' and shouldn't shut off our emotions completely (no matter how tempting it can be at times).
And how very true indeed. We are in control of what we want, and I only plan on GOOD things, here's to the future beautiful souls of Steemit!❤
On another note, I have had this song stuck in my 'two minds' ALL DAY LONG...🤘👌
Ok, I need to stop rambling and get to bed, another day of work awaits me and I am determine to be in a better mood! Sleep is VERY helpful with that haha!
Thanks for letting me chew your ears off 😉❤
Lots of love from England!