Wow, so I took a small hiatus to finish up some work related items, and when I came back there have been some nice updates to the site. Good work, guys!
So I've continued with my brand spanking new yoga practice and I'm enjoying it. One weird thing I've discovered is that the same thing that allowed me to gain weight over the last few years is the same thing that is allowing me to really enjoy yoga and have success with it: NOT GIVING A FUCK.
Allow me to explain. For most of my life, I gave way too many fucks. If I'm being frank, I still give too many fucks in a lot of ways, but one thing I used to care a lot more about than I do now is what other people think of me. Over the last few years, I've pretty much stopped worrying overly much about that, which has allowed me to go to a yoga class with a bunch of practitioners who are light years ahead of me and just not give a fuck. Like, really, who cares? NOBODY.
Not giving a fuck about what people think also led to me putting on some weight over the last few years, too. I enjoyed the sensation of JUST NOT CARING whether or not my family or anyone else thought I was getting chubby. And believe me, coming from the culture I grew up in, with my particular parents, etc, that's like overcoming a hurdle or something. It felt good to just be like FUCK THAT. I'll be who I am and it's FINE.
Eventually, though, I decided that enough was enough on that late rebellious front. Especially when my right hip started hurting me enough that I was having trouble sleeping at night. I figured if the excess weight was contributing, then I should start working to get it off. And so I'm working on that because it makes sense to do so, not because I wanted someone else to think I was attractive or to please anyone but me.
Maybe that sounds weird or selfish, but I don't think so. I think it's about discovering that I'm pretty darn lovable and wonderful even if I'm twenty-some pounds overweight. I think it's about discovering that I can do things for my own reasons and not have to spend my life catering to other people's ideals and never living up to them anyway. I think it's about figuring out what I truly find attractive in other people--their personalities, their kind eyes, their brains, their sexy swagger, or the way they laugh--and realizing that I owed it to myself to figure out that I'm attractive for more than the size of my hips or waist.
Anyway, I'm not saying "oh, it's super healthy to be overweight" or whatever else. I'm also not saying that I gained weight on purpose as a test. I am saying that I have loved figuring out how to not give a fuck and that it originally resulted in me gaining weight, yes, but it is serving me well now in committing to yoga and a healthier lifestyle leading to weight loss. Basically, doing things for my own reasons instead of what I think other people want from me tends to work out better for me in the long term.
So here's to accomplishing more by giving less fucks! Cheers!
