I began painting this the day I dropped out of grad school. It’s not done yet; it’s just that I love the process.
Hi, I am an artist in every sense of the word.
I didn’t want the American dream.
The place where the resume superseded reality. And as long as I looked good on paper; I was a success story.
I grew up in a house that was much more than the Jones could afford. You know? Bob and Billy Jean Jones who lived next door to the white picket fence family in that begone era of the middle class. Yeah, them.
I never wanted that.
No matter which silver platter you use;
Dress it up.
Dress it down.
I never wanted that.
See, these are my boundaries. My personhood. My personality. This is where the majestic person I was designed to be — sits. It’s a royal kingdom inside the tabernacle of my mental palace. And I? Well, I play every role.
Even an acorn possesses the potential of an immeasurable forest. Why do I limit myself from bidding on the bud that lays inside my heart?
Maybe I was depressed because my focus was on my fathers dream — and my internal compass was telling me to shift gears.
Depression pulls one back to launch them forward; I am now flying through the sky.
I let go of the person who they said I must be.
When I shifted; all I felt was peace. It’s good to be home inside of me.
I’ve seen how the external world likes to draw me arbitrary lines and acts as if their words weren’t written in sand.
Who I am is written on the foundation of my being; don’t you know? Besides, the tides will rise in the coming months and years — the things drawn for me will wash away. Only I will remain.
All will become anew in some ways.
Because all that wasn’t meant for me leaves.
And that’s a good thing.
Even though,
I love them —
So.
I remember when the republican battle field was the home of the brave. All I wanted was “doctor” in front of my first name. I remember when going through the motions showed me to be cured; “better than before” they said. Everyone acted all chipper as if my identity wasn’t emotionally raped out of me...
I said I wanted to be an artist.
And no one listened.
Until I listened to me.