I was drawn to your post when I saw something about Romania... turns out you're a tattoo artist, too. So damn cool... (I am trying to decide if I want another tattoo or not)
However, it's not about that. I was moved by your pain and as an older woman I just wanted to say: Let go of it! It's OK to have a good cry, it's OK to acknowledge the trauma, but put it behind you. You have a pretty awesome life and few people are tough enough to follow their dreams. Look to the future, not to the past, and good luck with your new job!