I'm starting to think that I have a very sad life..
Being in a relationship that makes you walk on eggshells, causes you to lose sleep, makes you overthink all the time, and blames you for every flaw you have is very exhausting.
I feel like I am just merely existing in this world, fulfilling my responsibilities as a daughter, a mother, and a wife. And the hardest part is that no one seems to appreciate my efforts, hard work, and concern.
I am starting to think I am a bad parent for always telling my kids what not to do and what to do. They hate me when they can't play or watch when it's meal time. They argue with me when I check their homework and tell them they did something wrong and need to correct it. They think I'm the bad guy for telling them to take a bath, sleep and rest, or even drink water and have snacks. I just want them to grow up well. I love my children more than anything. But when I see that they don't appreciate anything, it becomes exhausting for me. I am trying so hard, but it's useless.
I should have let my husband go when I had the chance. Or if I may say, I should have left him a long time ago and not forgive him for all the betrayals he did to me and my children. Now I am suffering emotionally and mentally. Every single day, he makes me feel I am not good enough. I wake up at 4am in the morning to prepare breakfast and make sure to pack his lunch. I see to it that I am home before he gets home to cook dinner so that he doesn't need to. But then, he just looks at the food I prepared with disgust. He always has negative things to say. He even makes me feel bad about myself, how I look. When it's he's turn to do something, I can't even say any single thing against it because he will get mad. And when he's mad, it will last for days. He admitted that he's not family-oriented. Probably he just wants to have kids but not be a father. He just wants to have a wife, and not be a husband at all.
I am not happy anymore.
Everything is too much for me.
I am doing the best I can. Everything I can.
I take care of the kids, clean our home, take my kids to appointments, do groceries, and work full time.
But what do I get?
I am so tired, so tired of everything.
I can't even do the things I want to do. I am a prisoner of my own life.
How can I be free?
