I place immense value on personal experiences; I believe that each one is unique and unrepeatable, just as every person is.
To listen to whilst reading this reflection – Source
The fact is that, even if two people experience the same thing in the same place, each of them will have different feelings about it, and this will stem from their beliefs, ancestry, conditioning, outlook on life, thoughts and perspectives.
In this sense, putting oneself in another’s shoes, seeing things from their perspective, is so complicated because no one can ever fully understand what another person is going through. Every experience is special; each one is unique. That is why I have learnt not to judge anyone; I do not know what is best for anyone else, only for myself, given my own circumstances. I cannot give advice, only suggestions. Not judging is the key to life, because you never know the inner struggle the other person is going through.
The suggestions I offer will always be based on my own experience and the lessons I’ve learnt. And in that same vein, those experiences take precedence over third-party comments, made up stories and gossip passed from person to person. What I’ve experienced, I’ve lived through myself; I’ve seen and heard it with my own senses.
I don’t forget my past or the people who have been part of it, because we learn from the past. The important thing is to learn and not get stuck in that past. But often you hear things that don’t match up with what you’ve actually experienced, and that’s how you realise there are people telling lies, perhaps out of envy or other destructive feelings, even to create a false version of events and spread it in order to save themselves and make someone else look bad.
A few days ago, I was chatting to my second cousin, who was visiting, as things go. He has a different view of my maternal grandparents to the one my mother has. To him, my grandfather was sweet, kind, and someone you could get on with. And that’s exactly how I see him too. My grandmother, on the other hand, was the strict one who liked things done her way. However, my mother sees things the other way round. And I think that’s because she’s a woman, and the way men and women were treated back then was very different. My grandfather was strict with her and didn’t show any affection, whilst my grandmother was the supportive, understanding mother who stood by her.
That’s why I say that everything depends on the perspective of the person looking at an event or another person. You shouldn’t judge; it’s not right to do so. Everyone has their own experiences, and each one is unique, I’ll say it again.
To continue with the example, I lived with my maternal grandmother until she passed away, and my experiences with her are in complete contrast to the rumours about her that have been circulating and which reached this cousin’s ears. I don’t know why whoever told him those things did so, but they are simply not true. She was a very kind person who always wanted to bring harmony to the family, and whilst she was strict about many things, she was fair, strong and brave, and what she loved most was her family and family unity. She hated arguments and disputes. I’ve seen it, I’ve lived through it, and it hurts to hear the opposite.
But I do not judge, because learning so much over the last few days has helped me understand what the reality is and was, to confirm certain things, to uncover others that were hidden, and to understand, so that I can discard what is unhelpful and what stems from envy, which exists in the world and always will. To discard the bad and keep the good, but with the wisdom that comes from knowing the whole story and drawing my own conclusions.
Experiences shape who we are; they mould us and teach us. The processes aren’t always easy, in fact, they’re often very tough, but you always come out of them stronger.
Amonet.
All the photographs are mine.
Used translator Deepl.com free version.