I'm at a church. The place is bright and filled with people. Everyone is smiling and looking so happy. Most especially bride and groom. I'm sitting at the last pew. And I'm watching the couples when what I really want to do is leave this place. Why am I even here?
I watch Joshua as he stood at the altar, wearing a blue suit. I keep looking at him more, but he's only focused on the beautiful woman standing beside him. While, I sit here wishing I had just stayed at home.
Two week ago, I came across the invitation to the wedding posted on a group chat. I couldn’t even read it to the end, the first time. I dropped my phone and cried until my head hurt. When I finally decided to attend, I don't know what I was trying to prove - that I had moved on or that I was strong enough to watch him marry someone else?. But sitting here, I feel neither strong nor moved on. I just feel rather empty.
Joshua and I did not actually broke up, we just stopped talking. There was noo goodbye, nor explanation, nothing. We had been together for three years and two months, not that the two months matter but somehow they do. Every day counted back then.
Everyone kept warning me about him when we first started dating.
"Joshua? That guy?"
"He's a playboy. He'll only waste your time"
But I ignored their advice. I was just so in love with Joshua. That much that I actually believed that I could change him. Maybe, I've read too much book.
My friends, Sarah especially, kept telling me not to give in to him.
"Don't rush it, Britney. He's not ready for commitment. He'll get what he wants and leave" She said.
"You’re wrong. Joshua is not that type" I said to her. I was actually the one wrong though.
"They're just friends" I would say whenever any of my friends come saying they saw Joshua with a girl. I defended him, even though I wasn't so sure.
I told myself he's busy whenever he doesn't call me for days.
I would say he's just angry whenever he shouted and called me names.
That was how I continued. I remained with him because I thought that if I did, then he'll one day see how much I loved him.
One day, I managed to find the courage to confront him when I saw him with another girl. He just laughed,
"She is my friend, nothing more. You gat to stop being insecure."
That day, I was the one who ended up apologising.
That was how our three years went. He kept doing what he wanted, and I kept trying to maintain things between us. Now here I am, watching him say vows to another woman. The same man who once told me, "You're the only I see".
I felt my heart sink when the priest asks Joshua, "Do you take her to be your lawfully wedded wife?" and he says "I do". Everyone at the church clapped, the bride laughed and Joshua looks at her with love and pride.
Hearing his answer made me think, "Did Joshua really ever loved me? Or was I just a placeholder for him until he found 'the one'?"
Please don't tell me you went to the wedding, Britney.
It was a text from Sarah. I stare at it for long, not knowing how to reply. They warned me, times without numbers, about him. They saw everything I refused too see. And now how do I face them? How am I supposed to admit to them that they were right without admitting I was blind?
The priest announces them as husband and wife, and the guests claps even more. My hands move automatically, joining in. I clap like everyone else.
I keep watching even as Joshua and his bride walk down the aisle, smiling and waving at their guests. When our eyes met, he freezes. For just a second though. Then he looked away. Acting as if he hadn't seen me. What happened in that moment was enough to break the little bit of my already broken heart that was left. So I stood up and walk out of the church. I was done watching them.
I've reflected quite a bit on the girl I was before today. She thought there was nothing that love couldn't do. I actually feel sorry for her. She just misused her time and put in too much effort for a man who didn't deserve any of it.
Image was generated using META AI
