So yesterday was but just another day for a smile. It passed on never to appear again leaving the way for a better replacement, servant to many and master to many more. Only a few have that power to command their day, of these special number I unfortunately don't belong yet not that I am a servant to my day. I find myself in between the devil and the deep blue sea meaning not a servant, not a master.
I am in a crisis rocked life so far so good, It beats me how I made it this far in life though God plays a huge part, I still don't know how!
Why do I worry a lot about my well being, about settling debts which is the major source of my worries about my life choices about everything and the answers seem to evade me anytime I make a meaningful progress toward answering them.
Withdrawn and reclusive I wallow in irrevocable plight most of which I have caused myself then afraid that it might be contagious I become more introverted. The worries come again and my face in response to this negativity becomes a distorted mask of fury and sadness mixed in unequal proportion with the sadness oustandingly noticeable. Prayers and prayers everyday which later becomes burdensome makes me wonder how much one really must go to hear God's dos and dont's. However the small voice says don't especially on the things I must undo but I tell myself I can make it only to come back vanquished by my own self - I am my own enemy. Apalling is the situation I find myself so having to see this world through the devil's lenses has taught me a lot yet again it pulls me further apart from looking on from God's perspective, I can't say much but someday a better chronicle of my life will make you understand how deeply I had fallen into unseen snares.
For now at the vanguard of my reasoning, I seek ways to pay off my debts - yes, my life gets better from here. May I find a helper to release me from this bonds of slavery and remove this heavy yoke of a sorrowing.
Dear God, pls send a helper!!!
