Well, as are most, ours is a broken family to start with. I have done all I can to keep it together. But it cannot be one person doing all the giving and the other just receiving. And she kept breaking up with me, which lasted a week the first time and took a year before she wanted to break up again.
Subsequent breakups lasted longer and longer, and breakups were happening more and more frequently. DEB did not know much about them, too young to remember much. But the example must have had an impact because now, legally an adult, the first option is to hit the nuclear button.
After the engine oil problem, which could have been discussed and solved in less than thirty minutes, I shut up about it and DEB went back to scrolling and gaming. Conversation was friendly and fun. I did not force the conversation that still needed to happen. The bike was a gift from me and I would never take a gift back. Still, he has never worked for months or ears to buy any kind of expensive vehicle or home. I did not feel that he has the experience to weigh risk when said asset is destroyed in a way that only my sister might destroy a vehicle. It never occurred to her that stopping and calling for help might save an engine (oil light) or wheel (flat tire).
As I mentioned in previous notes, I waited for time to pass between each attempt to have that father / son talk that never happened. I waited for many conversations without yelling, morning coffee with smiles and jokes, and then I made an attempt - each time it was a mood swing to rage and indignation. You would think that I was the kid and he was the one who paid for my everything for twenty years. Then the big one happened and he disappeared.
The whole family was built on the model of fair weather friends. Some work, others lean on everyone bringing money to help when things get short, but working is never an option. I am the rock they all depend on to come up with the money when they mess up their budget or need to move. It used to be, "I am short a couple hundred to get the move done." But now, it is in the thousands. I always come through and then they go back to months without speaking to me, even as my birthday passes by or a fathers day slides past. DEB was here with me for half of the last Father's day and he was helping all his friends, carting them around on the motorcycle I gave him. Those friends asked and he helped them to appreciate their dads. I did not get any mention of the fact that I am his.
I am not sure if I mentioned this or not. This whole thing from the moment I realized he was taking his things and leaving reminds me of the prodigal son story. Only that son in the Bible, took a third or so of his father's wealth, his inheritance. Then he only came back when it was gone.
DEB and the others already did that part about a year ago when I gave them each a substantial cut of their real inheritance money. It was to be held and used to help others in the family that would normally come to me with their hands out. I said they could invest it, make money with it, but don't spend it, except for Mom or myself - an emergency, you know. But that was to much work. It was easier to find out in real terms how long they could go without working and game more. Now they refuse to ask me for anything.
DEB has the next move according to the Bible story. A father's job is not to chase the son, cuff him, and force him to hear the lesson and agree to it. They must go out and learn it the hard way.
Heck, I could not even get him to hear the one about walking to get oil because engines are expensive. I think the one about respecting someone who has always had your best interest at heart, would be more than thirty minutes and it is more than a, "Well you'll know better next time." lesson.
I wonder if he knows anyone whose father ran out on their kid without even meeting him, or maybe stuck around till they learned to crawl. DEB cannot even make it a year after becoming a legal adult. "Can't wait to dump old reliable."
To the readers: I am sorry if I repeat topics. These are hard enough to write, let alone read them all to make sure there is nothing repeated.