I touched on this subject in my last post. Now let's take a look at it from another angle. "Do unto others as you would have them do to you." has been a way of life for me for my whole life. So, all I have asked of you is now being turned around on me. Have I been doing and demonstrating the same things I ask of my child?
attempted oily warning...
When I was found to have a problem with blood pressure, I was frustrated by the fact that none of the pills they gave me would bring it down. I have always been healthy. For that reason, I had no experience with the topic. I spoke with you and many others on what I thought it could be. I read articles and did searches on the topic, but I did not know where else to turn.
There are many people who can give someone advice when needed. Before you take advice and implement it to resolve any issue, you want to consider the source. You need to weigh their experience and their ties to you. You might listen to;
Doctor is on the list twice because the top one is one that you are paying for his/her services. They have legal and reputational interests to care what happens to you. This person is where most people will go first. They have the experience because of their degree and daily exposure to health problems and hopefully lots of successes.
high level of experience - lesser emotional ties
Spouse or family member - they have a high level of 'family ties' which means they care a lot about keeping you alive, but experience varies depending on the relative's age and experience.
low experience - lots of reasons to care
Neighbors will have higher ties to you than the mall cop and experience will vary as you work your way down the list.
This is/was my thought process when I had this health problem. I had been to the doctor, who I paid for his services, with no results to get my blood pressure down. I got the third "try" on the guessing game of eenie-meenie-minee-pill. Which did not work, again.
I turned to DEB who came to live with me to help monitor the situation. He is young, I am old, we both have the same amount of experience with hypertension. None.
We went through all my daily habits, foods, what I drink, etc.. I had already stopped all salt and coffee on the advice of the doctor. My trusted family member suggested I stop all vitamins and supplements that I take.
Done upon hearing the advice.
He suggested that I exercise which was in line with what the doctor had said.
Done without hesitation.
I see my child as someone who would have my best interest at heart. Still, nothing seemed to bring it down and the medication was making me dizzy for several hours after taking it.
He knows that I take a little baking soda when I have acid-indigestion. He came to me and suggested that I stop doing that because it has a lot of sodium (salt) in it.
Done. My son would never steer me wrong.
I tried a 48 hour water fast. Just water and the blood pressure meds. That worked and got my readings below 140/90 instead of 190/130 daily average. I dreaded taking that first bite after going without food for so long. Yes, when I ate, the BP went up again after breaking the fast.
This is a real experience, and my point of explaining all of this, is to lay out the levels of trust that exist when you ask someone's advice. I will not cover the ones that appeared lower on the list. They could have a wide array of motivations to present good, bad, or any advice to you.
The Doctor or Family member who loves you is your best bet. Dr. Smith or DEB have absolutely no reason to steer me toward death. It is a safe assumption that they want to help. Am I right?
I naturally comply when you have a sensible idea. Heck yeah! I will try anything.
Why then do you insist on believing that I was trying to hurt you in any way on the day you left. I was not looking to win an argument or gain anything for my own pleasure or profit.
I was trying to give you the best advice on the difficulty that you created for yourself. It hurt to hear the truth, I know, but I wanted you to find a way to help you avoid making this lethal mistake a fourth time.
We had discussed this same topic three times past. Each time, you swore you knew the what, where, why and risks of driving with no oil in the engine. I merely wanted to go over a few strategies and habits you might employ in order to save your engine. But all three times we discussed this, you could not stand to even hear my opinion. (an expert opinion)
You have difficulty accepting that I... 1) can help 2) have your own good at heart 3) am on your team.
Yet you treat me like the above "mall cop" - last on the list of people to trust and listen to.
I gave up on correcting you when you make a mistake for a couple of years now. The way you bark back at me when I do is something I dread. It doesn't matter how small the issue is, your first choice is to roll your eyes, yell at me, and act like you are being forced to walk the plank...
My first choice is not to fight with you. I hate fighting, especially over little things. I would rather pick up every empty soda can and candy wrapper that have built up over x days. I would rather get up and shut all the lights off after you have gone to sleep. I would rather check your oil and fill it without telling you.
The skill of bettering yourself, for yourself, which might one day save your finances or marriage (someday) might depend on it. If she your future wife leaves you because you do not care about your surroundings, the home, her domain, where you both live, you might think of your old dad who tried to let you know that he saw it coming. Not if I cannot talk to you.
These are the kinds of things that I can predict. It is not rocket science to see a pattern of behavior and imagine its impact on a future wife, boss, business reputation, tax return, etc. (all based on real world experience) and call the result accurately. You have watched me call events accurately for your whole life. People walking up to me in the streets and thanking me for calling bitcoin, gold, silver, markets, housing bottoms, life choices. . . Yet, you are offended if I tell you about risky action that involves consequences for YOU.
Imagine if you had told me to stop all vitamins, supplements, and baking soda -- Then I doubled the doses on all of them. What would you be feeling?
he is basically calling me stupid - he doesn't trust me. - is he trying to hurt himself? - why is he angry at me for trying to help? - doesn't he understand the process of elimination? - I don't want to stand here and watch him destroy himself.
That is how I am feeling about your recent logic. What is worse? You cut off all communication with me for trying to talk to you about it. I am writing about all of this here. Telling you all of this so you will know the simplicity of your error in judgement about me. (see the poll at the end of this post)
As I let you run your engine dry three times (because you swore you knew how to better your judgement and avoid doing it again), I will now let you repeat running it dry because you are no longer here and refuse my coaching. It is like not telling you when a truck is coming and it runs you over. You win! You taped my mouth and tied my hands, I need only watch and frown. Whatever the contest is that you are trying to win you are the automatic loser.
Advice:
Ignorance of your own ignorance should not be ignored.
Love Dad
A question for others that may read this.
You come out of work, You check your oil. It does not show any on the dipstick. You...
A) Walk or bus to nearest Shell to buy oil, and fill engine.
B) Drive to Shell and fill the oil.
C) Drive the 5 miles home where you have oil and add it.
To me, being the one who changed the engines for the geniuses that drove their car to my shop (to get oil), and came a knocking into the parking lot...
I would rather take A. and walk a little today, than C. and possibly walk forever more. (till the money is made and the new engine is installed).
