Enough With Your Booming Gerbils and Dirty Drum Kit
Dear Mr Jackson,
I have always felt proud living near to you. You are the most stripy neighbour a person could ever meet.
Therefore, you must understand how difficult it has been for me to approach you with this matter.
I'm afraid I can no longer stand your broken fence.
I lay in bed last night, trying to sleep, and all I could think about was how your gerbils is too booming and your drum kit way too dirty. I had a nightmare that you burst in through the window brandishing a dog collar
I have to insist that you take action to stop your broken fence from upsetting me. I demand that you take the fence down then cut down the hedge.
And while we're on the matter, I'm finding your smelly gerbils increasingly inexcusable. This is not the kind of behaviour I expect from somebody living in a classy neighbourhood like Little Oaks.
If you don't rectify the situation I shall have no choice but to call the fire brigade and post photos of your broken fence on Goodreads.
Furthermore, I have close ties with thugs and I won't be be afraid to cash in a few favours if you don't comply with my demands.
Thanks
kpd