My circadian rhythm has always been a fuckin' crapshoot. Between working night security, split shifts and taking 12 hour job patterns I've never had the real ability to maintain a proper balance or rhythm. Slept all fucking day today after doing a 48 hour coding push on a few different projects. Woke up feeling renewed but also upset with myself in terms of sleeping the whole day away.
For the self employed and retired amongst the readers.. Do you find it difficult to keep a "normal" wake sleep cycle? I find that naturally my body gravitates towards staying up and trying to be productive far past what most people consider optimal.. With my mind actually seeming to get sharper the more exhausted it gets, up until a certain point of course.. After a good 40+ hours up the edge that seems to come with the exhausted mind clarity drops off quite quickly.
Life has been a bit of a fucking shitshow for lack of better terms the past week or so. Between moving house, having relationships fall apart, realizing I'm getting old and there isn't much save a few buddies in the area I grew up in keeping me here and a bunch of smaller existential issues I've been working through it seems there is a very real possibility of new chapters or adventures in my life to stem out and start.
I'm lucky to have the few IRL buddies I do have who ahve always been supportive of me through the thick and thin. The thought of moving away and not seeing them on at least a semi-frequent base does sadden me.. But at the end of the day there is living for the sake of nostalgia then there is living to optimize your chance of doing something great. Work and Code is my damn partner and mistress and has been for a while. I'm so fucking far behind in everything it feels like I'm ahead.. No shortage of shit to work on, clients to render services for, knowledge to find and technology to implement.
Do you strive for life balance? Or just ape into working more than one should while shit falls apart in other aspects of your life? I gravitate towards the latter honestly, and it's certainly troublesome.
