Today's morning experience includes the disbelief that "it's ONLY tuesday?" I had to check my phone to make sure. That's how tough yesterday was!
I feel like this week will last forever, and then it will be the weekend, which will fly by and there's the chance that may be rough too, and then it's the start of another week.
it's never-ending!
Actually, it ends....
and when it ends it probably always feels too soon.
This morning I feel like life is a never-ending struggle. Now I know how ridiculous that is. But it is an experience I am using to manipulate myself with and so it has to be looked at and sorted out.
Self-Forgiveness:
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel that life is a never-ending struggle because i had a rough couple of weeks where things weren't easy and there was not a lot of positive energy generated within me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel that life is only enjoyable, good, 'worth it' when I am producing positive energy, and if I am not then I create an experience towards life that it is rough, tough, cold and harsh.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place an energetic experience and a judgement towards 'life' or, 'my life', defined by and based in energy and the experience of it, instead of looking objectively at the time passing and asking myself "am I making the best use of my time?"
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe and perceive that life is 'cold and harsh' because I have been struggling, things have been tough to move, and there has not been a lot of positive energy, instead of seeing and realizing that life just is, and I am here with me 100% of the time to hold me in my own embrace if I need to, instead of leaving myself 'abandoned' and alone in a harsh world.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to associate a lack of positive energy with 'bad' and 'wrong'/cold and harsh, instead of seeing and realizing that it is an addiction and letting go will never be too pleasant.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to expect a pleasant experience when it comes to walking process, instead of walking in self-trust, regardless of 'how it feels'.
I commit myself to keep moving in the direction I know to be right, despite the experience of it, to keep moving no matter what.
I commit myself to see and realize that I am never alone and forgotten, that I am here for me always.
I commit myself to appreciate the fact that I am letting things go, even though it doesn't feel good, all birth is painful.
To define the experience in words, I would call it a desperate rejection of moving forward, because I have been dropping my crutches and vices and the things that cushion experiences. I have been facing life head on, meaning, facing myself head on, and what I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become, and sometimes that ain't pretty.
My support word will be 'RISE'.
Within this word, in the sounding, the solution I see is "Reality I SEe", and I also hear the word 'eyes', indicating seeing, like seeing for real what I had been covering up and not wanting to look at. But instead I am going to look right at it. STARE at it and RISE to the occasion, RISE up above what I am used to for myself, RISE above the harsh coldness because I, as life, am greater that any energetic experience I can have towards something.
RISE: I see you, reality, the truth of me, and I will RISE to meet and overcome anything I put in my path, in my way.
