What has felt right the past day or two, I ask myself after having read my daughter’s Psychology Today, specifically an article titled Character’s Turn, which states that, “character can be inferred only from behavior…[and] most everyday circumstances do not present a test of loyalty.” I find it difficult or perhaps surprising, to think compassion and kindness can be there, even common, with a person who has no character, but I’ve been wrong before.
One moment that did feel right yesterday, wasn’t the easiest, but good, me holding space for my youngest to cry and complain about all of the shuffling of times and Adidas bags after divorce. No blaming of the other, just his pain allowed and held and me not being hijacked in ME. I went out to flip the burgers and when I came back in, I heard him refer to, “Mom’s divorce,” talking to my daughter and it stung.
Astoria Music Festival in town, my youngest and I, attended Tuesday nights’ performance, three sonatas for Viola da gamba, Sergey Antonov and his cello, Cary Lewis tickling the keys of the rich, black grand, Steinway & Sons, its gold stamp proof of superior sound, if only the right hands touch down.
Not so great were the ex-b.f.’s French fries after, free tickets come with a price, a date I was duped into. He’d offered the tickets a few weeks ago and I’d said yes, I’d take them—$25 a piece, he houses many of the musicians and had an abundance of tickets, more than he could use.
Him waiting the last minute to text they weren’t at will-call, but paper in his possession and he’d meet us out front 15 minutes before—and so we did, me not thinking he’d sit with us. He, who tossed his wife for me, who only two years in, threw me and kids so easily away after I’d pitched their father for him, who’d pitched his in order to be with me!
And, still all was pleasant, Cary Lewis gracious and smiling as he waited the younger to start his musical sprints, a grand follow written into the script, and in one of three, it shifts and the piano, with all its weight takes off in another direction, Sergey teased to follow.
A standing ovation and I wake this morning with a determination of the wisdom of knowing and not merely the right of living, to improve upon my integrity, character. My children love me, despite my faulty charge, and I am deeply grateful for that.
Photo credit: Isaac Ibbott/unsplash
