If there is something I have learned in my time on earth, it is that not everything is publicized. I have learned that it is okay to have secrets, in fact it is safe to have secrets and these secrets are what keep us alive sometimes. These secrets could be joy, pain, ambition, legacy or anything with important value. Sometimes these secrets should follow us to the grave, other times we must have at least one person we share them with. Our good moments, bad moments, happy moments, tired moments, and even ordinary moments. I used to have someone I share all these moments with, but now, let’s just say life happens. Now I just smile to myself and say well done, not because I do not have people around me, but because even in forming new relationships, it takes a certain level of trust to share certain things with certain people whole heartedly. Even when I had someone to share these moments with, I hardly speak out, not because I did not want to, but because it is just who I am. And when I become so attached to someone, others become strangers.
The level of trust that requires me to speak out must be immense because in the past I have spoken to the wrong people, shared things that were supposed to be private hoping I was speaking to trusted allies, only to discover that the either did not view me in the same light, or used things I said in confidence against me. I guess sometimes we can never truly know who to trust, especially because we do not know a person’s heart and the people you trust might end up not trusting you the same way or worse not even view you as a friend you think they are even though they smile and play with you. In my opinion, anyone who can not share in my pain, has no right to share in my joy. I am a very reserved person, someone who does not even like people in my space too much, and someone who hardly lets people share in my pain. My friends have spoken bitterly about it, they say I only speak out when things have gone completely wrong because I always hold things in. But the truth is, sometimes I do not even know what to say and knowing myself that when I eventually feel comfortable with a person, my mouth becomes like running water, I try to just avoid them totally.
This is not easy, it’s like living in isolation sometimes, but I think there are times it is needed. But then again this does not also mean I do not celebrate my wins, it just means I only celebrate them with those who suffered and endured the pain with me. And to be honest, these people differ. Whenever I hit a major career breakthrough, there is only one friend that comes to mind, whenever something good in other areas of life happens, there is another friend that comes to mind. This is because these two people helped me in the times I was in pain in those areas and thus deserve to celebrate with me in my time of joy. This is how reserved I am, a lot of people have issues with it, but it’s completely okay.
THIS IS MY RESPONSE TO HIVE LEARNER'S
PROMPT FOR WEEK 223 EPISODE 2
