Over the years, my definition of love has changed more times than I can count. Even now, I still ask myself what does it actually mean?
My first answers were shaped by movies and TV. As a movie person, I have watched enough romantic plots to build a strong, and very delusional, belief. I thought love was that intense, mutual feeling, unconditional, always smooth, and forever full of roses. I believed it was a destination you arrived at, not a road you traveled.
Eventually, I stopped believing in that version altogether. It felt like a setup for disappointment. I started to think love was less about feeling and more about foundation, I mean compatibility, mutual respect, and shared values.
Now, I've come back to believing in love but a reasonable kind. I believe some bonds called "love" aren't worthy of the name. Before you can love anyone else, you have to truly love and know yourself. Love shouldn't force you to shrink, to abandon who you are, or to compromise your core values just to keep the peace.
I do think love is a choice, it is choosing someone over and over again. But it is a waste of precious energy when that choice requires you to break yourself. True love I believe is where you don't have to become someone else. You love yourself as you are, and you love the other person as they are. Compromise is sometimes necessary, but it should be for a better course, one that improves the bond and strengthens you both, rather than weakening your individual spirits.
This brings me to my current belief, love is a compatible and respectful kind of partnership. It is steadier than the movies, but far more real. And well that strong feeling should somehow be present as well.
Loving family feels like a different category. It comes almost automatically. You don't choose your family, yet you love them through everything. But to love a partner, you have to actively love them for who they are, while having the courage to be your true self. Anything else is building on a fragile foundation.
This is the little I know about love, pieced together from my own experiences, what I have seen, and other people's stories. Everyone's perspective is subjective, shaped by their journey. But I do believe true love exists not as a perfect fairy tale, but as a beautiful, chosen reality.
I may think I have a good definition now, but I keep telling myself there's still so much more about love that I'm meant to learn and experience. Who knows, I might just changed my current definition of love again.
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