In this world where everything is about instant gratification. We don't quite know what we want but we want it yesterday. When things don't work out we want to leave or find something that will. This is my story of awakening from that world.
So you may be wondering what that has to do with the horn-billed Ibis (pictured) - And I don't blame you. This fella or rather his species have been the symbol of hope for me in this story with his fog-horn call. You see shortly after we met the girl in the following story had heard one on our video call but she had never seen one until I took this photo.
Three years ago I met a girl online and, while some might think me foolish, we started a long distance relationship. Although I never believed in it before, it was love at first sight for us both. Through nightly 5 hour video calls and minimal sleeping nights we shared everything. It had been a long ride and we had seen our share of ups and downs together, but we had been real with each other. Through fights and "miss you" nights we had battled on. Then catastrophe struck.
The Ibis in the picture is even more special to me then any other, even somewhat iconic. In the background of the image are the beginnings of storm clouds and at the time of the photo, I had no idea of the relevance.
Shortly after the photo my faltering photography business took a turn for the worse. I stopped getting shoots and we realized that our dream of being together was fading. I could no longer keep my promise that I would marry her.
I kept another promise that I had made to her that if I ever knew that I wouldn't make it that I would end it. So I ended it a year ago. It was the hardest thing I had ever done. I was the Ibis waiting for the storm. My world was torn apart. I pined daily and wept nightly.
My Maurita was my sun, moon, and stars. I needed her more than I needed to breathe. When I was younger, and even up until I met her, I was always able to let go of the women I dated. Some as soon as 2 days after we broke up, but something was different this time. This time I couldn't let go. In one of our conversations she had also told me that once she moves on she never comes back. So I was doubly cursed.
I couldn't let go and she would never come back.
I was now the Ibis in the midst of the storm and it was turning into a hurricane.
The call of the Ibis would remind me daily of her and it seemed as if they were seeking me out. I couldn't escape them. If I went out of my way to avoid them, one would land on the roof of the house where I stay and caw until I came out to see what was going on. At one point I even screamed at the birds "What can I do, She is never coming back!"
At the darkest and lowest point I did the unthinkable, I tried to end it but it wasn't meant to be. The rope didn't hold and I fell to the ground feeling foolish. The call of the Ibis continued to taunt me and drive me in it's "sadistic torment" of my love-starved mind.
Then one very early morning while, lying on a slightly tear-soaked pillow, and almost a year after our breakup. I received a call "I want to play a game." That such nondescript words could ignite a desolate heart. My Maura was back. Even just to play a game but it was miraculous. She had tried to move on with another guy but kept thinking of me. It hurt but I didn't care.
We had both done the exact opposite of what we would normally do. I didn't let go and she didn't move on. Our hearts were pining for each other. She had no idea whether I had moved on or not but her heart told her I wouldn't and that she needed me.
At the sound of her voice I wanted to scream, cry, laugh, jump, and shout for joy. After playing a bunch of silly games for 3 hrs she said she felt tired and I sang her to sleep as I always had before. I wept as I sang "the most beautiful girl in the world" to the most beautiful girl in my world.
I have been given the opportunity to study cybersecurity and am almost finished with my first certification. Photography and writing may not get me to her, but we are closer than ever in love and I am closer to being employed. We are working together now to get married and to start the life that our hearts have proved that we need.
I am now the Ibis after the storm. My world is complete again. I learned that I struggle to breathe and don't do well at all without her. She is the heart of my soul and the soul of my heart. It took that year of hell to show us that we have found our soulmates. Our love is stronger than it has ever been and we are sure we'll make it this time.
If you are out there thinking that you will never find your one. I am 46 and it happened for me. Keep strong he/she is out there moving toward you and even if you think you are standing still, You are moving toward him/her.
