The term narcissism is frequently used in relation to the so-called selfie generation, but it isn't a new condition. Lewis Carroll's mother was a narcissist. His book, "Alice in Wonderland" is a response to his childhood experience of growing up in a world of madness ruled by his mother. She was a control freak who ran his life, and that of his siblings, like clockwork; hence the obsession with time exhibited by the White Rabbit. His writing evokes the feeling that his characters are teetering on the edge of insanity, the effect of living in a household dominated by his mother's dubious demands.
Lewis, or really, Charles Lutwidge Dodgson, his alter ego, suffered from bulimia - a binge-eating disorder triggered by his mother's insistence on strict adherence to rules. How, the reader might ask? Well, if you're under stress, then you are not listening to your body's real needs. You're reacting to the stress of the situation. Stress is a noted appetite-suppressant. Once we stop eating according to the needs of the body, then we have drowned out the natural voice of our appetite :) If we learned to eat when we are hungry, we would feel the body's satiety switch that kicks in to tell us we've had enough. Exercise is good at re-setting the natural body appetite.
You might think this isn't important, and that children need discipline, and rules. Be that as it may, time itself is a construct and who determines the right to insist on the timeliness of others? What is the underlying motivation of people who do? Is it for their ego, or based on an earnest, though misguided, world-view; is it in the best interest of the person, over whose rights they hold sway? If we are sensitive to the needs of others, we wouldn't order them to eat, if they didn't want to. It is the most basic right of the human being - to control what goes into their bodies. It is an abuse of their fundamental will to self-determination to over-ride the right to choose what they eat - and when. When children refuse to eat something on their plate, they are taking a stand. They are asserting their right to self-determination. Let them be. If a child is hungry, they will eat. They won't starve themselves. As a parent, to force a child to eat can break their spirit and doesn't build positive relationships. Lewis Carroll also suffered from a stammer, according to wikipedia, "along with most of his siblings," a fact that is new to me. I'm not surprised.
So basically, in a nutshell, this is the world inscribed in "Alice in Wonderland." It is a world of high anxiety and distorted body image. I find it hard to read the Alice books, or watch film or cartoon representations of Lewis Carroll's works, without experiencing anxiety. The world he portrays is uncertain with few stable landmarks. But it resonates with me because my mother shares some similarities with that of Carroll's characters - she too, is both the Red Queen, and less frequently, the White Queen, depending on the effect she wants to portray. It would appear then, that the instability is emanating from the mother and manifesting in the children.
“The question is,” said Alice, “whether you can make words mean so many different things.”
“The question is,” said Humpty Dumpty, “which is to be master — that's all.”
from Carroll, L. (1865) "Alice in Wonderland"
How is this related to narcissism? Well, the mother had no empathy. If she had, she would have modified her behaviour in response to her children's distress. In "Alice in Wonderland," she is both the Red Queen and the White Queen, as she veered between harsh and loving. The confusion, impulsiveness and unpredictability of the world inscribed in the book is indicative of the effect living with his mother had on the young Charles. She was obviously wilful, capricious and cruelly insensitive to her children's emotional needs. This quote shows that the mother's ego and will, as exemplified through the White Rabbit, over-rode any need to appease Alice's desire for logic. Logical rules build stability - and a sense of fairness and trust. The rule of law, non-aligned to justice, or logic fails to build trust and stability.
While researching some facts for this post, I came across this rather remarkable statement, "Since the mid-2000s neuroscientists started to realise that memory is not really about the past, it’s about helping you act appropriately in the future ... by projecting yourself forward to work out the best course of action," (www.bbc.com, 2015). It's why memory is subjective, depending on who is remembering, and why.
References:
Image: Pixabay
Carroll, L. (1865), Alice in Wonderland
Accessed at: https://www.adobe.com/be_en/active-use/pdf/Alice_in_Wonderland.pdf
http://www.bbc.com/future/story/20150225-secrets-of-alice-in-wonderland
