Bizarre Musings

I think I'm in a simulation.

I'm a humanoid pawn in a sick game played by something far bigger than I am.

Am I real? Is this real?

It all feels like I'm stuck in an endless loop.
Every day I wake up to the same things,
the same faces, the same places, everything moving at its own paces.

I wonder if everyone around me feels the same.
Can they feel though?
Are they human? Am I?

Am I supposed to be having these thoughts?

Am I in my head with my body laying unconscious somewhere in another world where things actually make sense?

Is this limbo?
Am I dead?
Is this punishment for the sins I may have committed?

Did yesterday really happen? Is tomorrow even real?
What if every day is just yesterday and tomorrow is today?
What if today is every day?

I feel every excruciating second go by, things happen almost exactly as they had "yesterday".
The events of "tomorrow" won't be far off from those of today I'm sure.

I feel the urge to talk to someone about these disturbing thoughts but I fight it, hold it in, and keep quiet.

I'm scared that their response will confirm what I've feared for a while.
Maybe I'm crazy, maybe I'm not.
Do I really want to know? I fear that I don't.

There's so much monotony one can take.
I've had enough for an entire lifetime assuming that is what this is, a lifetime?

Amidst all the chaos in my mind and the seemingly endless loop. Something changes every day, it may be tiny but I've noticed.

These things give me hope, something to cling to. Something that makes everything bearable. Something that proves that maybe, this isn't an illusion after all.

I start to believe that I'm alive and real.
All my worries aren't that big of a deal.

It may feel like I'm stuck here today but someday I'll be whisked away to a better place.

They say Times change.
Hopefully, wherever I eventually go, it does...change.