I'm Often an Angry Bird

It's funny how I sat by myself today and was reflecting on this human nature we all can't escape - Anger.

Earlier this week, I was at my Aunt's shop and the female workers kept on hyping me on how calm I was. I smiled and tried to just accept the compliment without trying too much to dismiss myself.

But deep down I thought to myself:

If only they knew the hidden part of myself I keep at bay.

I consider myself as someone that doesn't get angry easily and even when I'm provoked. Depending on the magnitude, I'd most times just even ignore it. I've always believed that not everything is worth reacting to. Silence is sometime more powerful than you think.

However, what I found out about myself after introspection was that I often lose my emotions with someone I love, respect and care about. There was a time I was in a talking stage with a girl. To be honest, we were past this stage and it was just left for me to officially ask her out to be my girlfriend. We hardly argued and even if we did, we sorted it out as quick as possible.

Then one day, I got sick and she was aware but didn't call to check in on me. Her attitude towards that made me unexpectedly very angry.

The anger was the thought that someone I really cared for didn't seem to care much about me. Not calling was a clear indication that I didn't matter much to her and I had to address the matter to her. If it were someone else that did that, I probably would not even care but it came from someone that I had deep feelings for so I got angry. I started doubting if she even loved me, I even considered leaving if I watch patterns and it gave insights on more red flags.

That moment helped me understand something funny about my anger.

Sometimes, anger is not just about what happened, it's about the meaning we attach to it.

Some things aren't even that deep but we often get worked out becuase we overthink and attach too much importance to it.

I have been in many situations where I was triggered but I often do nothing because it's honestly not even worth my energy. But when the trigger comes from a person I love, I tend to display emotions. Don't get me wrong, I don't begin to get violent or cuss. I think critically before acting. I just feel things more deeply in those moments.

Over time, I've realized that my anger is often tied to expectations. The more I care about someone, the more I tend to subconsiously expect things from them. And when those expectations aren't met, I get disappointment, which turn to anger.

However, these days I'm learning to manage that better.

I try not to set expectations for people. We are all still humans, mistakes and disappointment would always occur.

I also try to communicate clearly instead of assuming.

Assumptions kill in an investigation

👆🏼 Words of Jack Reacher in the Movie Reacher

So, how easy is it for me to get angry?

Not very easy.

But when I do, it usually means something or someone matters to me and I was probably hurt by their actions.

Maybe its not totally bad,
what do you think community? 💭