Human beings are complicated, and our relationships can be even more so. Have you ever wondered why people often stay in relationships that cause them pain, and even defend those hurting them? Have you ever wondered what drives this behavior? Sometimes, human beings exhibit unusual behaviors that make you wonder if they are truly superior beings. I have learnt not to judge a book by its cover and not to judge people or situations based on the surface level appearances. The outside can be deceiving; if you have little detail about a situation, it is best not to judge or jump to conclusions without getting to the root of the matter first. Many people say, “If you are in a toxic relationship and your partner is treating you like a piece of rag, just leave.” Some claim they’d leave if their partners treated them unfairly just once. However, the truth is that sometimes, it is not as easy as you think. These people in toxic relationships can’t just leave. Do you think they wouldn't have done so if it were easy?
Growing up, I had crazy neighbors who quarreled every day. Their house was next to ours. The husband was a chief in the king’s palace, while the wife had no job, but she often did petty jobs to earn little money. The husband saved up enough money for his wife and opened a provision store for her in front of their house. Her life changed for the better as she got many customers daily. We all thought the husband had changed and that he loved her now, but after about a week, he returned to his toxic behavior. He’d beat the wife, and sometimes, lock the shop and keep the keys to himself. No one dared to settle their quarrels. People kept saying that the wife should leave before she got killed. “How hard can it be for you to pack your bags when your husband is not around?” “Pack your things and go back to your parent’s house.”
On the surface level, it seemed like the wife was obsessed with her husband despite the fact that he causes her pain every day. However, it wasn’t until we got to the truth of the matter that we realized what was really happening. Apparently, the woman is from a poor background; her parents died when she was in her first year at the university and she had to drop out. Her family members turned their backs on her, but her husband accepted her. If she left his house, she had no place to go. The husband was her last and only family. Also, ever since he got married to her, he had been taking care of her health finances. To others, this might not be a valid reason, but to the wife, she had no other choice but to stay, despite being unhappy.
Toxic people are the worst kind of people to have in your life. They can be not only romantic partners but also friends. These individuals manipulate you and make you feel guilty, even when they're the ones in the wrong. About two years ago, I found myself in a toxic friendship, and what I realized after I managed to survive and leave the friendship was that you’d have to squint really hard before you could see it coming. When I newly became friends with the person, they were the best soul on earth. I could have sworn that nothing would go wrong and that I had finally found the right friend, but all of a sudden, they started exhibiting their toxic behaviors. Similarly, in the case study of the husband and wife, I’m sure the husband was the sweetest soul when he was courting her. I’m sure she also didn’t see it coming.
To reduce the rate of people staying in toxic relationships, a lot of things have to be in place. First off, we need to understand that most of these people are bound to some constraints which are most times financial. Non governmental organizations whose goal is to alleviate such acts should build support networks for victims. These networks don’t have to be physical; online platforms can also be effective. A space where they can come together, share their experiences, get counseled, and help one another. There are so many victims of toxic relationships who fall into depression because they have no one to talk to. Creating a space for them to voice out their feelings, will go a long way in preventing the risks of depression.
Also, people should be educated about toxic relationships. Online and offline seminars should be hosted in high schools, tertiary institutions, and community centers about toxic relationships. People should understand that their health and mental being also matters and should be prioritized. This will help to reduce the risk of toxic relationships.
Thanks for reading.
