We have all experienced one or more life-changing events that divide our lives into before and after. Whether it is marriage, breakup, divorce, becoming independent, leaving home for the first time, or retirement, the aftermath can be life-changing. Imagine working at a firm for more than 30 years, only for you to retire one day. How will your life take shape from there? I have had my share of these moments— to be precise, I have experienced two of the experiences above—leaving home for the first time and breaking up. However, today, I will solely focus on the former. I’m not sure I would be comfortable discussing the latter, at least not yet. Do you remember the first time you left home? How was your life after that moment?
Before the first time I left home, I was under the shed of my parents, obeying their rules diligently and carrying out their orders religiously. Although I lived my life by their rules, I never felt trapped. For example, we were not allowed to play with other kids outside. Since our compound was big enough to accommodate all the friends we wanted, my parents made it a rule not to play outside, but it was fine if friends and family visited. My brother often snuck out. He saw our compound as a cage, and every day, he would break free and return before my parent’s arrival. On the other hand, I was comfortable with this lifestyle. Better put, I thought I was comfortable with this lifestyle because I had not yet tasted freedom.
One thing is for sure, the first time I left home gave me something entirely new—freedom. I could do anything I wanted without my parents telling me what to do and at some point it became scary. The first time I left home was after I graduated from high school. I enrolled in a program called Jupeb. Basically, Jupeb is like a university setting. Students attend classes for 9 months in which they write a final exam. Anyone who passes the exam is guaranteed admission into the second year of the university. The place is very far from my parent's place. Meaning, that they could not visit like they wanted and I had everything to myself. I rented an apartment and started living all by myself.
BEFORE AND AFTER
My first few days living alone were horrible. They were funny and horrible. Before that time, my mom, cousins, and siblings had been the ones cooking. The only thing I knew how to prepare was noodles and eggs. Now that I was alone, I had to cook or starve. I remember the first time I prepared rice. My memories are flawed and I don’t remember how I did it, but what I remember is that it ended up soggy that I couldn’t eat it. I had to throw it out and eat snacks. The next day, I tried cooking beans. I knew the basic steps. Of course, I knew you had to pick out the dirt. It took forever to pick three cups of beans. Everything was going well (or so I thought) until I made a big mistake—I added palm oil and other ingredients immediately and put the beans on high heat. So, the beans started to burn before they got soft and done.
Well, thanks to YouTube videos, I learned how to prepare the basic food. Also, one of my hostelmates taught me how to cook. I told her I wanted to learn how to cook Nigerian soups. So whenever she wanted to prepare anything, not just soups, she would call me and I would watch and learn. I am a very fast learner, and I learnt how to prepare almost everything in no time.
As I mentioned earlier, I had all the freedom I wanted, and at some point, it became scary. Most students, even my hostel mates, often go to night parties, where they drink and smoke all sorts of things. I attended a party a few times. The first time I got home, I felt a bit happy because I felt I had done something rebellious and gotten away with it. I got home really late—around 2 am—and I felt really good. Luckily, I snapped back to reality before I got too comfortable with the lifestyle.
My life before the first time I left home was different. Leaving home made me acquire some skills and I also learnt important things about life.
Images in this post are mine.
Thanks for reading.
