My Old Lettering Book

I have a five year old nephew who has autism and to my surprise, he got a hand of my old lettering notebook. I decided to scan through the notebook and check these letterings. I was surprised when I found out he was doodling all over the notebook including on pages where I had written some of my journals but he spared those which have letterings. I wonder what was on his mind?

He loves sea creatures but he also started venturing on other animals now, he had somewhat liked dinosaurs. With sea creatures, he draws whales, sharks, turtles, sea horse, and a lot more and mind you, he draws better than I do plus he draws them all out of imagination. I remember an article I read online about this man with autism, Stephen Wiltshire who flew on a helicopter over New York City for about 20 minutes and then he drew the entire city skyline in a pen. I was amazed and it just shows how our brain could capture so much memory!

Anyway, going back to the lettering book, let me show you some of the pages which he had spared from doodling.

According to the notebook, I made these pieces on the year 2016 and 2017. I tried recalling what was I doing on those years? I guess I was blogging too but that year of 2017 was also the year when I had ectopic pregnancy. Oh, I could remember the details and I still have that scar that reminds me of such event.

I guess I had spent so many hours on this notebook during my recovery from the operation, I had a 90 day leave due to the operation so I had so many hours available to myself while the husband is at work.

You know, thinking about my ectopic pregnancy made me ask myself what if that pregnancy was a success? What if I was more careful that week? What ifs and those endless possibilities filled up my mind but then, I had to learn to forgive myself from what had happened. I suppose everything has a reason and I believe that had happened so that I could change many aspects of my life.

Looking at these pages, I had thought to myself, wow, I really had a lot of time to be able to make these pieces. Today, having a toddler and taking care of him consumes so much of my time, I even thought I don't own my time anymore because it will all depend on my baby. If he is awake, I can't blog, I can't do this and that so making any art pieces is not included in my daily routine.

But I had always thought of starting again, I want to make lettering again aside from my bullet journal. I wish to dedicate another notebook just like this. It's just inspiring to know that I was able to make all of these.

Another hobby I had before was pointed pen calligraphy. It's been more than two years since I held a pointed pen holder. I know I brought them with me when we traveled to Bohol during the pandemic on 2020 but I am not sure now where I had placed them.

I know we must give ourselves time for self development and self care and for me, when I am writing on a pointed pen, everything just slows down. I have to look into my breathing, the pacing must be slow but steady and I must follow the rhythm of my hand stroke. I miss that feeling. I know my inks might have dried up now. The nibs might be rusted already too! I might have to buy another set of nibs and just the thought of it makes me tired already as I am not sure if I can buy any of that here in Bohol.

My nibs and pen holders were bought online so I guess I will have to order them again but I am not sure when can I have a time to really look into the online site, it takes time to scroll and look into the items plus I know the store which I bought these materials had closed down already, I am not sure though, I will have to double check.

Hope is what keeps us going so for the meantime, I just hope that I can make time for art again. But what's important at this moment is that I have time for my baby. I know that he will grow up, he is in fact growing fast that I want time to slow down. He had been learning so many things from his surroundings, he has been keeping up with the adults, and with just a few blinks, he will soon turn two years old.

Time flies so fast. I know the things that I am delaying right now, I will be able to do again if God wills. I will have time in the future for art as my baby will not remain a toddler. He will sooner or later be busy with his own too. He will no longer need much of my help, he will no longer look for me early in the morning for breastfeeding.

These thoughts make me miss our moments together, that's why I will savor every single minute of it while it last. I will delay whatever can be delayed including art for the sake of my baby. This is just a season of my life and I won't be able to rewind it.

So yes, I miss lettering, I miss art. I miss me time. But this season of motherhood is something that I won't exchange for anything. It is the most fulfilling thing that ever happened to me. Seeing my baby grow day by day gives me a satisfying feeling. I know one day, me time will soon be abundant.