“Allo there. My name's Nige. My mates call me Whitey 'cos I'm lighter skinned than the rest of the tribe. Those bleedin' scientists ave monikered me Cheddar Man. Listen fuckwits, cheese ain't been invented yet, but what do they know? Fuckin' experts eh?
“Just got to this new Ingerland place. Looks a good spot to stay, plenty of fings to kill and eat. Trees. Lots of trees. Got the trees sorted allright.
“We came over the land bridge from Frogland. Uggh, they eat weird stuff there: slugs, frogs, insects....mind you, so do we.
“And what about the fuckin immigrants? Those farkin bignosed Thals get everywhere with their heavy brows and bandy legs. We should drown the fuckers in the Channel, 'cept it don't exist yet. They are taking our jobs. But none of them can make a flint arrowhead worf a damn.
“Later me an' me mates are going ta have a game of Foot Balls. The women weave a round outer bit out of grass – that's women's work of course – and we fill it with balls. Goat's balls are best, but really any testicles will do. Then we kick it about the field for a bit, tenderises them really nicely, then we have a good old feast. The women get to lick out the scraps, so it's all fair.
“Man's work is going out and slaughtering beasts of earth and air, I've got to head off and kill a deer for the meat and skin. Watch out for the wolves! Real men eat meat, and the wimmin and young uns scratch around for the berries and stuff. Some of 'em wimmin are gettin' ideas, like planting fings in va grahnd and lettin' em grow. That's not right and proper. Nah, I don't hold wiv hitting wimmin and kids unless they need it, but a few slaps in this case will teach em sommin. Hunting an' Gathering. That's how it is, don't want no fucking lifestyle changes.
“Going fishing tomorrow. That'll make a nice change. Got me bruvver's spear. 'E made it 'imself, wiv bone barbs tied round wiv catgut so it works real well. I was sad when 'e got sick an' died in the winter, 'cos we don't 'ave a Healer in the tribe no more. So we ate 'im and sent 'is spirit to the Gods.
“My head hurts, I've got a wound, it's turning black and smelly. Not a good sign. Still I am 23 and got 6 kids, so I've 'ad a good innings. No edjucagtion or experts or 'ealf service, just like it should be. Free competition for everybody, long as yer not old or sick. I wonder what this place will be like in a few thausand years? Maybe not so different.”
